{"id":16777,"date":"2024-12-07T13:45:38","date_gmt":"2024-12-07T13:45:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.breakthecycle.org\/?p=16777"},"modified":"2025-01-17T22:16:02","modified_gmt":"2025-01-17T22:16:02","slug":"how-to-talk-to-a-narcissist","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.breakthecycle.org\/how-to-talk-to-a-narcissist\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Talk to a Narcissist: 9 Strategies to Survive the Storm"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Playing a narcissist\u2019s game means every quest is about them and you\u2019re just an NPC. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

However, by applying a few careful strategies, you can<\/em> protect your own main-character energy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n
\n\n

But first . . . what even is a narcissist?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Despite popular boomer opinion, not everyone who takes selfies is a narcissist. And narcissistic tendencies do not equate narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). NPD is a diagnosable mental health condition<\/a>, while tendencies are just personality quirks that can range from annoying to mildly toxic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here\u2019s a quick rundown of traits common to both:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n
\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

constant need for attention and admiration

<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

sense of entitlement

<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

lack of empathy

<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

difficulty handling criticism

<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

inflated sense of self-importance

<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

using others for personal gain

<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

jealousy or suspicion of jealousy

<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

exaggerating achievements or talents

<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

obsession with status, power, or success

<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

preoccupation with appearance or reputation

<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

trouble maintaining long-term, healthy relationships<\/a>

<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

1. When they deflect the blame . . .<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

A narcissist is never wrong and never, ever makes mistakes. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Or so they like to think. Narcissists have a supernatural ability to dodge responsibility. They\u2019ve perfected the art of blame-shifting, turning every conversation into a courtroom, where you’re suddenly on trial for something you didn’t even do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You do not have to play along. When they start deflecting blame, recognize it for what it is \u2014 a tactic to avoid accountability. Instead of getting pulled into their drama, calmly bring the conversation back to the main issue. If you stay focused, you\u2019ll keep control of the conversation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Remember, blame isn\u2019t really useful in a healthy relationship<\/a> anyway. Approach your partner\u2019s mistakes with as much grace as you would like for yours. If they aren\u2019t meeting the expectations you have for the relationship<\/a>, discuss that with them instead of pointing fingers.<\/p>\n\n\n

\n\n

Narcissist:<\/strong> \u201cWell, you\u2019ve done worse before.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You:<\/strong> \u201cMaybe, but right now we\u2019re talking about this situation. Let\u2019s stay on that.\u201d<\/p>\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\nRead next: How to Recognize Your Partner\u2019s Emotional Blackmail and Retake Control of Your Life<\/span><\/path><\/svg><\/span><\/a>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n

\n
\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n
<\/div>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\n

2. When they gaslight you . . .<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

The 2022 Word of the Year: gaslighting. Its bad rap may make you question its existence (ironic), but gaslighting is very real.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When someone makes you doubt what you<\/em> know happened, like reality itself is up for debate, you\u2019re being gaslighted<\/a>. Narcissists are masters of this manipulative tactic. Suddenly, you\u2019re second-guessing your own memory while they confidently rewrite the past.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

With each calculated statement, they chip away at your confidence, leaving you feeling uncertain and off-balance. But there is a way to handle it:<\/p>\n\n\n\n