If your feelings are all in a jumble, this article can help you gain clarity and self-awareness, so you can answer the question, \u201cDo I really like him?\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\n
Do I Like Him or the Attention?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Distinguishing genuine feelings for a guy from merely enjoying his attention is like deciding if you actually like avocado toast or just want to Instagram it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
To figure out if you’re really into him or just in love with the fantasy, let’s play out three scenarios:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Scenario 1: You genuinely like him <\/h3>\n\n\n\n
You like him because he\u2019s a good person, you are inspired by his values and principles, you admire his hobbies, and he adds value to your already well-established life. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Perfect! Well done. You can stop reading here and give yourself a high five. <\/p>\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Otherwise . . . <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Scenario 2: You\u2019re putting effort<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
If you find yourself going the extra mile, consider if it\u2019s because you truly care, not just for the attention.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Do you do things for him you don\u2019t normally do for other people? Are you deliberately shifting your schedule to make time for him? And maybe you\u2019ve even told your family about him. Better yet, you\u2019ve already introduced him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Another thing you need to consider is how much effort you put into understanding him emotionally.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The truth is most women don\u2019t know what men are thinking, what they want in life, and what they really crave from a relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And the reason is simple.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Male and female brains are biologically different<\/a>. For instance, the limbic system is the emotional processing center of the brain and it\u2019s much larger in the female brain than in a man\u2019s.<\/p>\n\n\n\n That\u2019s why women are more in touch with their emotions. And why guys can struggle to process and understand their feelings.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Have you ever been let down by an emotionally unavailable man before? Blame his biology rather than him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n To stimulate the emotional part of a man\u2019s brain, you have to communicate with him in a way that he\u2019ll actually understand.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Because there are certain things you can say to him that will really tap into his psychology.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I learnt about this from relationship expert Amy North. You can watch her excellent free video about it here<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n In her video, Amy North reveals exactly what to say to a man to make him want to commit to a deep and passionate relationship with you. These words work surprisingly well on even the coldest and most commitment-phobic men.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you want to learn science-based techniques to attract men and get them to commit to you, check out her free video here<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You are bored and have nothing interesting going on in your life, so you cling to any attention you can get just to keep yourself entertained.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If that made you go, “Uh-oh, that’s me!” you may want to hear what relationship coach Jillian Turecki has to say on her podcast Jillian on Love. <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n In one of the episodes, she bluntly asked, \u201cMaybe your life is just boring?\u201d and it felt personal. <\/p>\n\n\n\n She emphasized that to break free from the external validation loop that is chasing love, you need to fall in love with your own life first. Make your life so exciting and fascinating that you won’t have time to waste on crushes and dead-end situationships.[1<\/a>] <\/sup><\/p>\n\n\n\n So, if you are not sure if you like him, see whether you’ll still be into him after you\u2019ve filled up your schedule with girlfriend dates, Pilates classes, and volunteering work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You are scared of being on your own because you are addicted to love. <\/p>\n\n\n\n It\u2019s entirely possible that you are in love with the idea of being in love. There\u2019s no shame in that. <\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n It\u2019s not your fault that you\u2019ve soaked in an unconstructive image of how love should look like, and in this case, you may want to speak to a specialist. <\/p>\n\n\n\n In fact, love addiction exists, and you can read all about it in Pia Mellody\u2019s book Facing Love Addiction<\/em>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n According to her, \u201cLove addicts assign a disproportionate amount of time, attention, and \u2018value above themselves\u2019 to the person to whom they are addicted, and this focus has an obsessive quality about it.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n She goes on to say that such addicts exhibit \u201cunrealistic expectations for unconditional positive regard from the other person\u201d and fail to care for or value themselves while they\u2019re in the relationship.\u201d[2<\/a>]<\/sup><\/p>\n\n\n\n In plain English, if you obsess over him, your self-worth depends entirely on what he thinks of you, and you make him the center of your world, you may want to read that book. <\/p>\n\n\n\n In He\u2019s Just Not That Into You <\/em>the author, Greg Behrendt, appeals to women: \u201cPlease, if you can trust one thing I say in this book, let it be this: “When it comes to men, deal with us as we are, not how you\u2019d like us to be.\u201d[3<\/a>]<\/sup><\/p>\n\n\n\n “When it comes to men, deal with us as we are, not how you\u2019d like us to be.\u201d<\/p>– He’s Just Not That Into You<\/em><\/cite><\/blockquote><\/figure>\n\n\n\n Knowing if you like the guy or just the idea of him is like deciding between Chris Hemsworth and a cardboard cutout \u2014 both may look good from a distance, but only one is truly satisfying. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Hopefully, after reading this guide, you\u2019ll quit dating cutouts and start finding real muscles, I mean connections, real connections.<\/p>\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n Contemporary philosopher Alain de Botton, in his wonderful book On Love<\/em>, <\/em>says \u201cPerhaps the easiest people to fall in love with are those about whom we know nothing.\u201d[4<\/a>]<\/sup><\/p>\n\n\n\n The truth is, in the beginning, we only have an idea of a person. So, the real question isn’t whether you like him or just the idea of him, but whether the intensity of your feelings matches how well you actually know each other.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Genuine attraction isn’t something that\u2019s built in a day. True feelings are the culmination of small steps and mundane moments that add up over time to paint a picture of someone\u2019s heart. Only then can you see if what you feel is true. <\/p>\n\n\n\n The funny thing is that while the voice of reason tells us to hit the brakes, our hormones urge us to go all in as soon as we can. <\/p>\n\n\n\n A study published in Social and Personality Psychology Compass<\/em> describes how \u201cancient biological mechanisms that facilitate the formation of mother-infant bonds were co-opted to facilitate monogamous pair bonds between adult partners . . . . Neuroendocrine systems are thought to have been recalibrated to facilitate approach to novel partners.\u201d[5<\/a>]<\/sup><\/p>\n\n\n\n Thanks, neuroendocrine systems, thanks. <\/p>\n\n\n\n To put that in layperson terms, if you\u2019ve known him for two weeks and are already imagining your wedding and naming your future kids, you\u2019re probably infatuated. <\/p>\n\n\n\n But if you\u2019ve been dating for six months, he\u2019s consistently shown you who he is in various situations, and you\u2019ve seen him interact with others, and you still like what you see, then yes, you genuinely like him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n In a surprisingly scientific book with the cheesy title How to Avoid Falling in Love With a Jerk<\/em>, author John Van Epp reminds us that \u201ccommunication is the key to opening doors of intimacy and closing doors of misunderstanding and hurt. But it requires joint effort.\u201d[6<\/a>]<\/sup><\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cCommunication is the key to opening doors of intimacy and closing doors of misunderstanding and hurt. But it requires joint effort.\u201d<\/p>– John Van Epp<\/cite><\/blockquote><\/figure>\n\n\n\n This quote highlights the crucial difference between real attraction and an imagined one: True intimacy is built through communication and mutual effort.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Now, I\u2019m not saying you need to know everything about him, like his social security number or his mother\u2019s family name \u2014 that\u2019s just creepy. <\/p>\n\n\n\n What I want you to consider is how much of your information about him comes from social media stalking versus real-life conversations. And in those real-life conversations, how much is actually said versus what you\u2019ve read between the lines? <\/p>\n\n\n\n If he’s a newcomer in your life, think about how well you truly know him. Are you aware of his family background, his inspirations, and his everyday preferences? <\/p>\n\n\n\n Evaluate whether your connection is based on surface-level interactions and fantasies or on deep, personal understanding.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Considering that a partner is someone you’ll share countless meals with, you may want to ensure that you don\u2019t get involved with someone whose poor lifestyle choices jeopardize your healthy routines. <\/p>\n\n\n\n A speed-dating study published in PNAS <\/em>“found that impressions based on a potential mate\u2019s consensual desirability and on unique compatibility were the strongest predictors of romantic outcomes.”[7<\/a>]<\/sup><\/p>\n\n\n\n So, to know if you really like him, check whether your values, goals, and lifestyles align. <\/p>\n\n\n\n If he’s an outdoorsy adventurer, but you just have a lumberjack fantasy and, in reality, cannot imagine yourself sleeping in a tent, then you\u2019re not compatible. Or if he dreams about building a house in his hometown while you want to move to Europe. <\/p>\n\n\n\n You see what I mean. <\/p>\n\n\n\n A strong attraction to someone incompatible might mean you\u2019re more into the idea of them than a genuine connection.<\/p>\n\n\n\n A strong attraction can make you try to bend over backward to fit his way of living, but if you need to do that for him, your potential relationship is fanfiction. <\/p>\n\n\n\n If you really like someone, that\u2019s because of their values and lifestyle, not despite it. <\/p><\/blockquote><\/figure>\n\n\n\n Is your welfare his top priority? Does he keep you safe when you\u2019re crossing a busy road? Does he put his arm around you when you feel vulnerable? If yes, protective instincts such as these are all surefire signs that he likes you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n But that’s not what we’re here to find out. What does this say about how you feel about him?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Well, allowing him to step up to the plate and protect you is an equally strong sign that you like him <\/em>just as much in return. We all know we women can open our own doors. When we let the men do it anyway, so they can feel all special, it’s a sign of our affection.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The simple truth is that men have a thirst for female admiration. They want to step up for the women in their lives and make sure they\u2019re okay at all times. This is deeply rooted in male biology.<\/p>\n\n\n\n There\u2019s actually a psychological term for what I\u2019m talking about here. It\u2019s called the hero instinct<\/em>. And it\u2019s generating a lot of buzz at the moment as a way to explain why men fall in love and who they fall in love with.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You can read our comprehensive guide to the hero instinct here<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I think the hero instinct provides an excellent insight into how a woman feels about a guy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If a woman really likes a guy, she\u2019ll bring this deeply rooted instinct to the fore. She\u2019ll put in the effort to make him feel like a hero.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Does he feel that you genuinely want and need to have him around? Or does he feel like a mere accessory, \u2018best friend\u2019, or \u2018partner in crime\u2019?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Because how you\u2019re treating him now makes a big difference to whether you just like him as a friend or whether you\u2019ll eventually fall in love with him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you want to learn more about the hero instinct, check out this free online video<\/a>. James Bauer, the relationship psychologist who coined the term, gives a terrific introduction to his concept.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Some ideas really are life-changing. And for romantic relationships, I think this is one of them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Here\u2019s a link to the video again<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Your emotional investment should match his investment and the stage of your connection. <\/p>\n\n\n\n If, after some soul-searching, you come to the conclusion that you wouldn\u2019t lose sleep if he dropped off the face of the earth or joined a monastery, you\u2019re probably crushing on the fantasy version of him. In your dreams you\u2019re dating Mr. Darcy, but in reality, he\u2019s more of a Mr. Collins. <\/p>\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n A lack of bond, deep emotional connection, or willingness to be vulnerable shows that you\u2019re not actually willing to invest in that guy and treat him as a casual pastime. Especially if you\u2019ve been hanging out for a while. <\/p>\n\n\n\n If the thought of him getting away feels like losing a Tamagotchi, not a beloved childhood pet, it might be time to reassess.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Guilty as charged! <\/p>\n\n\n\n I\u2019ve spent way too long falling for guys who look good and have cool jobs, totally blind to glaring incompatibilities.<\/p>\n\n\n\n When the attraction is all about social status, reputation, or the perfect Instagram image rather than actual character, you know it\u2019s not right. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Suddenly, you’re abandoning your interests and values because, hey, dating a guy in finance with a trust fund and blue eyes is cool, right? Spoiler alert: He\u2019s probably on coke. <\/p>\n\n\n\n What\u2019s cool is dating someone who’s self-aware, kind, and emotionally available. And let’s face it, blue eyes often scream “emotionally unavailable” . . . or maybe that\u2019s just the trauma from my last breakup talking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n So, take a moment to consider whether you like the guy or just the idea of cute kids with him. Do you like him, or is it just fabulous to say your boyfriend’s a movie producer? Do you actually like him, or is he just tall? <\/p>\n\n\n\n If you\u2019re attracted to the idea of how other people react when you tell them that you date this guy, but behind closed doors you feel unfulfilled and unhappy, you know what to do. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Go for genuine appreciation of the individual, not the shiny packaging.<\/p>\n\n\n\n This one’s big: Never ignore your gut feeling or intuition, whatever you call it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Pay attention to how you act around him. You are supposed to feel safe and at ease around your partner. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Studies on the body’s response to perceived danger indicate that feeling nervous around someone can be a sign that your autonomic nervous system is detecting a lack of safety. This response is known as neuroception<\/em>, a term coined by Dr. Stephen Porges in his Polyvagal Theory. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Neuroception refers to the way our nervous system automatically scans and responds to safety and danger cues in our environment without conscious thought.[8<\/a>]<\/sup><\/p>\n\n\n\n If you stammer and stumble over your words when you’re with him, or you try to crack a joke but mess up the punchline, these are signs that your nervous system is on high alert around him. It’s worth exploring why you feel this way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n While a bit of nervousness at the beginning can be cute, if you’re waking up before him to do your hair and makeup because you feel self-conscious, like Annie in Bridesmaids, it’s time to reconsider. This guy is not for you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You deserve someone who makes you feel at ease \u2014 like Rhodes, who saw Annie as beautiful, talented, and sexy, even when she neglected to change her backlights.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If he makes you feel nervous and like you’re not enough, then you’re likely in love with the illusion of him, not the reality.<\/p>\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n Think of three of his flaws. If you can\u2019t, you\u2019re probably idealizing him. If you can but immediately excuse them, yep, still idealizing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Idealization is a big thing in the beginning, we all do it. Early on, we see the best in people because, believe it or not, we\u2019re actually projecting our self-image. <\/p>\n\n\n\n A study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology<\/em> \u201crevealed that individuals’ impressions of their partners were more a mirror of their self-images and ideals than a reflection of their partners’ self-reported attributes.\u201d[9<\/a>]<\/sup> <\/p>\n\n\n\n So, all the positive traits you admire in him are actually reflections of your own qualities! Take that, inner critic!<\/p>\n\n\n\n However, another study from Journal of Personality and Social Psychology<\/em> suggests that \u201clasting satisfaction depends on individuals understanding their partners’ real strengths and frailties. After all, because few individuals really are perfect, time should inevitably reveal just how romantic partners fall short of each others’ hopes.\u201d[10<\/a>]<\/sup><\/p>\n\n\n\n In real affection, you see the person in 3D and full color. You get that every yin has a yang: his helpfulness means sometimes he\u2019ll overcommit, his decisiveness means he might forget to ask your opinion, and if he’s adventurous, brace yourself for some nail-biting moments. <\/p>\n\n\n\n When you genuinely like someone, you see his quirks and flaws without rose-colored glasses. This doesn’t mean you should tolerate bad behavior, like him being rude to waitstaff at Olive Garden \u2014 absolutely not. <\/p>\n\n\n\n But if you can’t acknowledge his flaws, it might be a sign that you’re more into the self-made illusion.<\/p>\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n You’re on a delightful date, sharing a laugh over some inside joke, when suddenly your date’s phone buzzes with a text. You feel a pang of jealousy, and you might even catch yourself thinking, “Why am I feeling this way?” <\/p>\n\n\n\n A little jealousy now and then is natural. We\u2019re not all strutting around with the unshakeable confidence of a four-year-old boy in a Batman cape all the time. <\/p>\n\n\n\n But jealousy and possessiveness are a slippery ground to walk on and speak more of your insecurity than your attraction to the person in front of you. <\/p>\n\n\n\n You may be so into the fantasy of being with the most charming person at the party that you can\u2019t stand anyone else dancing with them. It’s giving unresolved issues.<\/p>\n\n\n\n A healthy connection is built on trust and mutual respect, not on a plot of Stephen King\u2019s horror story with a side of creepy obsession like you were Annie Winkers in Misery<\/em>. <\/p>\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n In The Tao of Love<\/em>, Ivan Hoffman writes, \u201cWe can never work our way out of a problem by using the very same thinking that got us into the problem in the first instance.\u201d[11<\/a>]<\/sup><\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWe can never work our way out of a problem by using the very same thinking that got us into the problem in the first instance.\u201d<\/p>– Ivan Hoffman<\/cite><\/blockquote><\/figure>\n\n\n\n Reflect on your past relationships and try to note down the patterns that you see. <\/p>\n\n\n\n If you find yourself saying “all men are like this or that,” it might be that you are consistently choosing a certain type of partner due to the relationship dynamics you learned at home, because in love we seek what is familiar.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Alain de Botton talks about that throughout his teachings. In his book The Course of Love <\/em>he remarks,<\/p>\n\n\n\n We believe we are seeking happiness in love, but what we are really after is familiarity. We are looking to re-create, within our adult relationships, the very feelings we knew so well in childhood and which were rarely limited to just tenderness and care. The love most of us will have tasted early on came entwined with other, more destructive dynamics: feelings of wanting to help an adult who was out of control, of being deprived of a parent\u2019s warmth or scared of his or her anger, or of not feeling secure enough to communicate our trickier wishes.[12<\/a>]<\/sup><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n Let that sink in. <\/p>\n\n\n\n If you easily become infatuated with people, it might be because you learned to fabricate love where it didn\u2019t exist \u2014 a kind of fairy-tale thinking. You might fill the gaps where the other person hasn\u2019t communicated, not giving them the time and space to reveal their true selves. This behavior attracts avoidants and narcissists, who benefit from your emotional labor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Healthy people find this unattractive because they sense you don\u2019t see them for who they are. <\/p>\n\n\n\n I\u2019m sorry if this is the case for you, but to break the cycle of relationship patterns that don\u2019t serve you anymore and create healthy ones, addressing this in therapy is crucial.<\/p>\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n Infatuation is like a caffeine-fueled squirrel \u2014 fast, jittery, impatient, and often with a debilitating crash. The real attraction is slower, more like a snail on a Sunday stroll. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Real attraction builds over time. It burns slowly like a romance in a Jane Austen novel. <\/p>\n\n\n\n So, if you feel that after every hit of his attention, you immediately need another one, this may not be the real deal. <\/p>\n\n\n\n In How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk<\/em>, Van Epp remarks that \u201ca better blend of reality with idealism and the caution to test the one you trust over time will help distinguish an illusion from a genuine dream.\u201d[13<\/a>]<\/sup><\/p>\n\n\n\n Van Epp also tells us, <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThe message is clear: Fix yourself first, or your unresolved emotional problems will disrupt both your choice of a partner and the relationship you establish.\u201d[14<\/a>]<\/sup><\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThe message is clear: Fix yourself first, or your unresolved emotional problems will disrupt both your choice of a partner and the relationship you establish.\u201d<\/p>\n– John Van Epp<\/cite><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n This message has probably peeked through in the previous sections, but to evaluate whether you like a man or just the idea of him or his attention, you need to assess your self-awareness. <\/p>\n\n\n\n That includes your level of self-acceptance, emotional maturity, and the stage of your personal growth journey. <\/p>\n\n\n\n It could be that you like someone because you just fear being alone. You might be using a relationship to silence your inner demons rather than addressing them. And believe me, once you address them, you won\u2019t fall for anyone so easily. That\u2019s called standards. <\/p>\n\n\n\n This kind of self-awareness and personal growth can break the pattern of being attracted to the idea of a person rather than the person themselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Asking for advice about your love life can feel like crowdsourcing your emotions, but sometimes it\u2019s worth it. At the end of the day, you know yourself best, but even Taylor Swift has a team backing her up. <\/p>\n\n\n\n If you\u2019re feeling unsure about someone, ask trusted and compassionate friends (not just any random person) for their opinions. If one of your closest friends doesn\u2019t like the guy, that\u2019s OK (maybe they\u2019re secretly in love with you), but if none of your friends likes him . . . Houston, we have a problem. <\/p>\n\n\n\n For me, I usually just check in with my therapist. You do you, but avoid confirmation bias. Don\u2019t just consult people who\u2019ll cheer on your worst decisions. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Instead, find those who genuinely have your back and won\u2019t just sit back munching popcorn while your love life turns into flames. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Understanding your true feelings and being honest with yourself is how you find out if you really like a guy or just his attention.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Instead of overanalyzing your feelings towards him, I have a better idea for how you can use your energy!<\/p>\n\n\n\n Romanticize your life yourself \u2014 don’t wait for someone else to do it for you. Fill your own cup. Create a life so amazing that you\u2019ll need a really good reason to let anyone enter your secret garden.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Spend time alone with your thoughts and learn to enjoy your own company. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Toss out the perfect guy list and make a list of your needs, wants, and non-negotiables instead. <\/p>\n\n\n\n You can\u2019t be confused about whether you like someone if you know what you want, and knowing what you want you can\u2019t be tricked into wanting what you don\u2019t need (or what is beneath you). <\/p>\n\n\n\n In the words of Ted Lasso\u2019s <\/em>Roy Kent <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYou deserve someone who makes you feel like you’ve been struck by lightning. Don’t you dare settle for fine.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote><\/figure>\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n If you want to read more about topics about getting into a relationship<\/a> check out our page here.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You know your feelings for him are real when you experience a deep emotional connection, feeling understood and valued through meaningful conversations. You prioritize his happiness, take joy in his successes, and support each other during difficult times. You are willing to make compromises for the relationship, naturally considering his feelings and needs alongside your own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You are confused about your feelings for him due to various factors, such as past relationship experiences that may have left you wary or unsure. Also, it can be challenging to distinguish between infatuation, which is often intense but short-lived, and genuine love, which develops over time and involves a deeper emotional connection.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Interest differs from attention in that interest is a genuine desire to know someone on a deeper level, involving curiosity and care about their thoughts, feelings, and experiences. In contrast, attention is more about seeking validation and an ego boost from the interaction, often focusing on immediate gratification rather than forming a meaningful connection.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 1. Turecki, J. (Host). (2023, January 9). How to actually love yourself and raise your self-work (S1 E20) [Audio podcast episode]. In Jilian on Love<\/em>. Apple Podcasts. 2. Mellody, P. (2003). Facing love addiction: Giving yourself the power to change the way you love<\/em>. HarperOne.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 3. Behrendt, G., & Tuccillo, L. (2004). He’s just not that into you: The no-excuses truth to understanding guys<\/em>. Simon Spotlight Entertainment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 4. de Botton, A. (2006). On love: A novel<\/em>. Grove Press.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 5. Mercado, E., & Hibel, L. C. (2017). I love you from the bottom of my hypothalamus: The role of stress physiology in romantic pair bond formation and maintenance. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 11<\/em>(2). 6. Van Epp, J. (2008). How to avoid falling in love with a jerk: The foolproof way to follow your heart without losing your mind<\/em>. McGraw Hill.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 7. Baxter, A., Maxwell, J. A., Bales, K. L., & Eastwick, P. W. (2022). Initial impressions of compatibility and mate value predict later dating and romantic interest. PNAS, 119<\/em>(45). 8. Porges, S. W. (2009). The polyvagal theory: New insights into adaptive reactions of the autonomic nervous system. Cleveland Clinic Journal of Medicine, 76<\/em>(2), 86\u201390. 9. Murray, S. L., Holmes, J. G., & Griffin, D. W. (1996). The benefits of positive illusions: Idealization and the construction of satisfaction in close relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 70<\/em>(1), 79\u201398. 10. Murray, S. L., Holmes, J. G., & Griffin, D. W. (1996). The self-fulfilling nature of positive illusions in romantic relationships: Love is not blind, but prescient. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 71<\/em>(6), 1155\u201380. 11. Hoffman, I. (1992). The tao of love<\/em>. Prima Lifestyles.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 12. de Botton, A. (2017). The course of love: An unforgettable story of love and marriage from the author of bestselling novel <\/em>Essays in Love. Penguin.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 13. Van Epp, J. (2008). How to avoid falling in love with a jerk: The foolproof way to follow your heart without losing your mind<\/em>. McGraw Hill.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 14. Van Epp, J. (2008). How to avoid falling in love with a jerk: The foolproof way to follow your heart without losing your mind<\/em>. McGraw Hill.Scenario 3: You\u2019re bored <\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Scenario 4: You\u2019re a love addict<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\nDo I Like Him or the Idea of Him? How to know<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n
Assess your level of infatuation<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Evaluate your knowledge of him<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Examine your compatibility<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
You let him flex his hero instinct<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Reflect on your emotional investment<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n
Consider your attraction to their status or image<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Observe your behavior around him<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n
Evaluate your willingness to accept his flaws<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n
Assess your level of jealousy or possessiveness<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n
Reflect on your past relationship patterns<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
\n
<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n
Consider your willingness to take things slow<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Evaluate your level of self-awareness and personal growth<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
\n
Seek outside perspectives<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\nConclusion<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n
\n\n\n\nFAQs<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
How do I know my feelings for him are real?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Why am I confused about my feelings for him?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
What is interest vs attention?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\nReferences<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/ie\/podcast\/how-to-actually-love-yourself-and-raise-your-self-worth\/id1640172049?i=1000593089291<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n
https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1111\/spc3.12298<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n
https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1073\/pnas.2206925119<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n
https:\/\/doi.org\/10.3949\/ccjm.76.s2.17<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n
https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1037\/0022-3514.70.1.79<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n
https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1037\/\/0022-3514.71.6.1155<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"