From passionate love to roommate vibes? These highs and lows of love are par for the course, my friend.

Some of what you’re feeling could just mean you’re in a rut, that you need to shake things up a bit, switch to red panties. Other signs could be more serious.

1. Communication feels like a chore

When it feels simpler to flick on the TV than talk about your highs and lows that day, it may be a sign of emotional distance. Avoiding deeper conversations and keeping your interactions to surface-level topics, like what’s for dinner and who cleans the litter box, can indicate that opening up isn’t as appealing as it once was. 

Instead of excitement, sharing may start to feel like a chore, and you might notice a lack of enthusiasm for those once-meaningful deep conversations. 

When soul-searching discussions late into the night fade into brief text messages, it’s often a sign that the emotional connection may be slipping away.

2. Physical affection is fading

If “me time” is suddenly winning over cuddle time, it could be a signal that things have shifted. 

Physical affection doesn’t just feel nice — it’s also a strong indicator of emotional closeness. Studies show that partners who regularly share physical affection tend to feel happier and more connected.^[1] 

So, if you’re feeling a little too relieved to claim your own side of the couch or skipping regularly scheduled hanky-panky feels easier than leaning in, it might mean the spark isn’t just dimming; it’s dozing off. 

When personal space takes priority, it may be a sign that love’s cozy glow has cooled a bit.

3. Solo time is your favorite time

If solo time has begun to feel like a mini vacation, it might be worth a closer look. Loving time alone is totally healthy, but when it’s all you crave, it could be a sign that together time is starting to feel more like a task than a treat. 

If you’re finding excuses to sneak off for a solo binge session, it may be that those cozy nights in aren’t as fulfilling as they once were.

When “me time” starts taking over “we time,” it might just be a hint that the relationship’s spark is fizzling out.

4. You shut down emotionally 

Closing yourself off to connection and vulnerability, it might be a sign of emotional distance. People in love usually have no problem with emotional availability. After all, love itself is an emotion of availability.

In a study of intimacy published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, authors Laurenceau et al. propose that open communication and vulnerability are key to maintaining intimacy in relationships, while avoiding meaningful conversations can lead to emotional disconnection.^[2] 

If sharing feelings or tackling important topics starts feeling uncomfortable or irrelevant, it may mean you’re emotionally pulling away from the relationship. When those deep dives turn into shallow waters, it often signals that the emotional bond may be fading.

5. You become annoyed by habits you used to find charming 

Those small quirks that once made you smile — like humming in the shower or reciting the lines to their favorite movies aloud — might suddenly be giving you the “ick.” In fact, research conducted by Huston et al. suggests that as emotional connection fades, tolerance for a partner’s habits can decrease, making once-charming traits feel irritating or even frustrating.^[3] 

If everyday behaviors are getting under your skin more than usual, it might signal a shift in your feelings. When affection starts to wane, those cute quirks can quickly become deal-breakers.

6. You imagine a solitary future

Instead of planning the next adventure or setting shared goals, you may find yourself fantasizing about solo plans or contemplating a life where your partner isn’t central. 

When you’re in love, your partner is there in every dream, every plan, every goal. They’re the one you want to take on this grand adventure called life. Looking into the future and seeing an empty space next to you doesn’t give off the greatest “wildly in love” vibes.

If it feels harder to see a future together, if you’d rather travel through Europe on your own than with him, it could be a sign that love may be slipping away.

7. Your interests diverge

Having separate interests is healthy, but if you find yourself fully investing in hobbies, friendships, or activities that exclude your partner — and feel indifferent about sharing these experiences — it may signal emotional separation. 

When solo pursuits start to replace couple activities, it can be a sign that priorities are shifting.

8. You’re easily distracted when you’re together

When quality time no longer feels truly engaging, you might find yourself reaching for your phone or daydreaming even while you’re together. 

When you’re in love, your focus remains on your person and you find it hard to pay attention to anything else. Your friendships take a back burner, your mom is leaving voicemails that she hasn’t heard from you in weeks — sometimes you even forget to eat. 

Sure, that feeling settles as being passionately in love levels up into commitment and companionship, but they’re still the first person you want to tell your news to. 

If you’re more focused on external distractions than each other, it could indicate that the emotional pull of the relationship isn’t as strong as it once was.

9. Your eyes wander

A person in the throes of love sees no other besides their beloved. Idris Elba himself could ask you to go home with him and you’d barely register the invitation. 

If you’re not only admiring the physique of someone who is not your partner but inviting them back to yours for drinks, it’s time to reevaluate the level of love in your relationship. Rokach and Chan write that “when people feel emotional shortfalls in their primary relationships, they may search for a deeper quality of romantic connection” with someone else.^[4]

Infidelity or thoughts of infidelity are pretty clear signs that you’re not in love with your partner anymore.

How to Fall Back in Love

Falling out of love doesn’t have to mean it’s over. Relationships evolve, and sometimes, those early butterflies get lost in the shuffle of daily life. 

In their book Rekindling the Romance: Loving the Love of Your Life, relationship experts Dennis and Barbara Rainey discuss how most modern fairy tales end at the beginning — the marriage scene — and “they live happily ever after.”

However, love stories don’t end at the wedding. Instead, they’re actually seasonal, with three major seasons that “most couples experience as the years go by: new love, disappointed love, and cherishing committed love.”^[5] 

The book Marriage in Motion calls this natural ebb and flow tidal drift. Authors Schwartz and Olds write that “people are almost always moving closer together and further apart.”^[6]

If you’re stuck in the midst of an ebb and want to get back into flow and reignite that connection, here are some steps to bring warmth and connection back into the relationship.

Acknowledge where you are

The first step to fixing anything is recognizing there’s a shift. Ignoring or denying it can build up unspoken resentment that only creates distance. Accepting that your feelings have changed allows you to tackle the issue openly. When you’re ready, sit down with your partner and share what you’re experiencing — without pointing fingers or placing blame. 

Honest, blame-free communication fosters better outcomes in relationships and reduces defensive reactions. Starting with honesty creates a foundation for positive change, making it easier to explore ways to reconnect or redefine the relationship together. Only with raw honesty can you save your relationship and fix what’s broken.

Revisit the reasons you fell in love

Think back to the early days of your romance. Conjure memories of why you fell in love in the first place. Does your partner still embody these qualities? Do you still embody the same qualities your partner fell in love with? Perhaps they’re buried beneath years of to-do lists, carpools, and new wrinkles. You just need to uncover them. 

What was it about each other that made you feel that initial spark? Revisit the qualities and moments that drew you together in the first place. Take time to reflect on these memories together — whether it’s reminiscing about your favorite trips, laughing over old inside jokes, or reliving the big moments that made you feel close.

Spending time on these memories can reignite a sense of appreciation, reminding you of the foundation you’ve built and why you chose each other to begin with.

Break the routine with intentional quality time

Life’s daily grind can turn relationships into predictable routines, potentially dulling the connection between partners. To reignite that spark, it’s essential to make intentional plans for quality time together. Engaging in new and exciting activities as a couple can enhance relationship satisfaction and intimacy. 

Research by Aron et al. found that couples who participated in novel and challenging activities reported higher levels of relationship quality.^[7]

Ideas to reconnect:

• Plan regular date nights: Set aside specific evenings to enjoy each other’s company without distractions.
• Explore new hobbies together: Whether it’s cooking a new cuisine, hiking a different trail, or taking a dance class, shared experiences can strengthen your bond.
• Weekend getaways: A change of scenery, even for a short time, can provide a refreshing break from routine and offer opportunities to create new memories.

By intentionally creating fresh experiences, you can bring excitement and closeness back into your relationship, moving beyond the usual patterns and rediscovering each other in new ways.

If you want to get really sparky, try these dirty pickup lines on your partner and watch their surprise turn into seduction.

Improve communication

Falling out of love often begins with a communication breakdown. To rebuild the connection, focus on creating open, honest, and empathetic dialogue. Go beyond the usual “How was your day?” and dive into topics that connect you on a deeper level, like your hopes, fears, and dreams. 

Ask questions that show genuine interest, allowing your partner to feel seen and valued. Practicing active listening — where you truly hear them out without distractions — can be a game changer. 

When you’re both invested in open communication, you create a foundation for emotional intimacy that strengthens the bond.

Express gratitude and appreciation

When we’re around someone constantly, it’s easy to overlook the little things they do. Start making it a habit to express appreciation for your partner’s efforts, unique qualities, and the small ways they make your life better. 

Expressing gratitude in relationships can increase feelings of closeness and positivity, helping partners feel valued.^[8] A simple “thank you” or heartfelt compliment can go a long way in shifting your perspective and bringing more warmth into your interactions.

When gratitude becomes part of your daily routine, it can transform the way you see each other, helping to rebuild affection and connection.

Focus on physical intimacy

Physical closeness is a major component of emotional connection, and sometimes, reigniting small acts of affection can rekindle feelings of love. Start with simple gestures — hold hands, give each other a warm hug, or cozy up on the couch. 

Physical touch boost oxytocin, often called the “love hormone,” which helps to strengthen bonds and promote feelings of closeness.^[9]

If both of you are comfortable, have an open conversation about your physical needs and explore ways to reconnect in a way that feels natural and enjoyable. Small, consistent gestures can make a big difference in restoring affection and deepening your bond.

Work on individual growth

Sometimes, feeling disconnected from a partner starts with losing touch with yourself. Pursue personal interests, spend time journaling, set new goals, and focus on your well-being. 

Research suggests that when partners are fulfilled individually, they bring a more balanced, positive energy into the relationship, fostering mutual growth and connection.^[10] Rediscovering your own passions can also renew the way you see each other, making your partner’s unique qualities feel fresh and exciting.

Seeing each other as whole individuals with distinct goals and interests can breathe new life into your relationship, helping to rekindle attraction and curiosity.

Be patient in the process of rebuilding love

Rekindling love isn’t something that happens overnight; it requires patience and understanding. Emotions naturally ebb and flow, so don’t feel discouraged if the progress seems slow. 

Lasting relationship improvements often come from small, consistent efforts rather than quick fixes. Embrace the gradual journey and trust that the steady, mindful steps you take together can make the biggest difference.

Your Next Steps

You’ve got the strategies you need if you want to try to bring back that loving feeling like they brought back Maverick. Navigate over to our page all about being in relationship for more tips for building a partnership.

Sometimes, though, these feelings are a sign that it’s time to move on. If that’s the case for you, learn how to break things off calmly and compassionately by reading our guides to ending a relationship.

No matter the outcome, taking time to understand your feelings can lead to a stronger, more authentic path ahead, whether that means rebuilding together or finding fulfillment independently.

FAQs

References

1. Gulledge, A. K., Gulledge, M. H., & Stahmann, R. F. (2003). Romantic physical affection types and relationship satisfaction. American Journal of Family Therapy, 31(4), 233–242. https://doi.org/10.1080/01926180390201936 

2. Laurenceau, J. P., Barrett, L. F., & Pietromonaco, P. R. (1998). Intimacy as an interpersonal process: The importance of self-disclosure, partner disclosure, and perceived partner responsiveness in interpersonal exchanges. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 74(5), 1238–1251. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.74.5.1238 

3. Huston, T. L., Caughlin, J. P., Houts, R. M., Smith, S. E., & George, L. J. (2001). The connubial crucible: Newlywed years as predictors of marital delight, distress, and divorce. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 80(2), 237–252.
https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.80.2.237 

4. Rokach, A., & Chan, S. H. (2023). Love and infidelity: Causes and consequences. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 20(5), 3904.
https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph20053904

5. Rainey, D., Rainey, B., & DeMoss, B. (2006). Rekindling the romance: Loving the love of your life. Thomas Nelson.

6. Schwarts, R., & Olds, J. (2002). Marriage in motion: The natural ebb & flow of lasting relationships. De Capo Press.

7. Aron, A., & Aron, E. N. (2000). Self-expansion motivation and including other in the self. In W. Ickes & S. Duck (Eds.), The social psychology of personal relationships (pp. 109–128).

8. Algoe, S. B., Gable, S. L., & Maisel, N. C. (2010). It’s the little things: Everyday gratitude as a booster shot for romantic relationships. Personal Relationships, 17(2), 217–233. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1475-6811.2010.01273.x 

9. Sekulić, A. (2024). Neuroendocrinology of romantic love [Doctoral dissertation, University of Rijeka]. https://zir.nsk.hr/islandora/object/medri:8757/datastream/PDF/download

10. La Guardia, J. G., & Patrick, H. (2008). Self-determination theory as a fundamental theory of close relationships. Canadian Psychology, 49(3), 201.
https://psycnet.apa.org/doi/10.1037/a0012760

Love — the four-letter word that podcasters talk about, Taylor Swift sings about, and poets write about. 

But when it sneaks up on you, how do you really know you’re in love and not just nursing a crush — or worse, infatuated and doomed for a fiery crash back to Earth?

How Do You Know You Love Someone? 

When it comes to love, it’s often the little things that reveal how you truly feel. If those small, unexpected moments bring you joy, you might just be falling for someone real. Here are some signs it’s true love.

1. You think about them constantly

Love has a funny way of taking up mental real estate, quite literally, according to research conducted at the University of La Laguna in Tenerife, Spain. Author and psychobiologist at the university Burunat writes that “love affects every single mental function.”^[1] 

If you find yourself constantly daydreaming of them when you’re supposed to be participating in the real world — planning weekend getaways or imagining what it would be like to wake up next to them in the morning — congratulations, friend, this may be a tell-tale sign you are in love.

2. You care about their happiness as much as your own

When you’re in love, prioritizing your partner’s happiness becomes a natural instinct. Every day becomes a quest to express your love and make them happy.

Research indicates that couples who celebrate each other’s successes are more likely to report high relationship satisfaction. This phenomenon, known as capitalization, involves sharing in your partner’s joy and supporting their growth, which strengthens your bond and enhances individual well-being. 

Love, in this way, is about mutual happiness — where their smile or success feels as rewarding as your own personal joy.^[2] If you’re genuinely invested in their happiness and find joy in their achievements, you’re likely in love.

3. You appreciate all their quirks

Does their laugh sound a bit cringe? Do they have a habit of saying “Prego” with an Italian accent? Are you equally beguiled and bewildered by their LARPing or their introverted tendencies?

When these little things that might usually give you the “ick” become endearing, it’s often a sign you’re feeling something deeper. Finding yourself in love means accepting quirks as charming, rather than annoying.

4. You envision a future with them

If you’re imagining a “we” instead of “me” when you think about the future, you might just be in love. In their research on the connection between love and planning, authors Porter et al. explain that pre-planning is certainly a symptom of a loving attachment — emphasis on the loving!^[3] 

So, if you catch yourself making plans for the future, from trips you want to take to where you’d like to live, you’re shifting from “I” to “we,” a clear indicator of love.

5. You’re comfortable being vulnerable around them

Vulnerability is essential to building deep, meaningful relationships. It’s about letting your guard down and sharing your true self — your fears, insecurities, and dreams — with someone else. This openness allows us to feel “seen, heard, and valued,” as Dr. Brené Brown, a renowned researcher on vulnerability, explains.^[4] 

Vulnerability is a core element of closeness because it requires trust and invites deeper understanding between partners — which leads to intimacy, the emotional closeness that grows from vulnerability. When we’re intimate, we share a personal connection that goes beyond the surface, creating a safe space where both partners feel genuinely supported and accepted.

Studies show that couples who are willing to be vulnerable and open with each other experience higher relationship satisfaction and greater emotional closeness. This shared emotional space nurtures a stronger bond and is a foundation for deeper love. If you’re embracing vulnerability and building intimacy with your partner, you’re likely on the path to a truly loving connection.

6. You make small sacrifices without a second thought

Love has a way of showing up in the form of small, simple everyday choices. Maybe you acquiesce to watching the game even though you’re not a huge fan of sports. Maybe you make a little extra time in your schedule to spend together. 

Psychologists Righetti and Impett studied the motivations of partners who willingly sacrifice for their partners. They found that commitment and sacrifice go hand in hand.^[5] 

You’ll know it’s love when making both small and big sacrifices feels less like compromise and more like a choice you’re happy to make for their happiness. The act of prioritizing their joy, even if it means adjusting your own plans, is a sure sign that you’re deeply invested in them.

7. Their successes feel like your own

When you begin to fall in love, their wins feel like your own. This isn’t some hopeless romantic diatribe about how you and your lover are like two sides of the same coin — OK, maybe it is.

Whether they have a big promotion at work or finish a task they’ve been hard at work for, you feel genuinely excited and proud. It’s almost like their personal joy fuels your own happiness, and your joint celebration becomes a natural extension of your shared connection.

If their happiness feels as fulfilling as your own, it’s a clear sign you’re truly in love.

8. You miss them when you’re not together

Missing someone during the small, everyday moments is a strong sign of love.

When you find yourself thinking about them in quiet moments — like your morning coffee or while grocery shopping — it’s not just about their presence; it’s about their place in your life. This sense of absence during day-to-day routines signals they’ve been woven into your world in a way that goes beyond surface-level affection.

If life feels a little emptier without them and you miss them even when you just saw them three hours ago, it’s a clear indication they’re not just someone you care about; they’re someone you love.

9. You don’t feel the need to put on a show

When they’re around, you can truly be yourself, no filters required. There’s a comfort in knowing you don’t have to pretend because they’re into you for who you are at your core. 

Whether it’s spending the day in sweats or geeking out over your Hogwarts house, you know they’re not just in love with the best version of you — they’re in love with all of you — even if you are a Hufflepuff. 

They’re not just there for the polished parts; they embrace the real, unfiltered you, flaws, badgers, and all. If you’re eager to reveal every facet of who you are, it’s a sure sign that you’re experiencing a genuine, all-encompassing, reciprocated love.

10. You lose track of time

Love has this beautiful way of making time slip between your fingertips like quicksand. 

You may go to have a quick chat and suddenly hours have passed. Time is flying because your minutes together are effortless.

If the hours pass like minutes when you’re with them, it’s a pretty clear sign you’re in love.

11. Your heart races when they’re near

A racing heart isn’t just a symptom you read about in romance novels. When you’re in love, your body releases dopamine, the “feel-good” chemical, which causes that heart-pounding excitement whenever they’re near. (Fun fact: Dopamine is addictive — it’s why we get attached to love so easily.)

In fact, in his book, Love, Sex, and Your Heart, Alexander Lowen explains, “When we feel lighthearted, all organs function better; when we feel heavyhearted, all organ systems are depressed.”^[6] 

So that light heart? It could be that physical sign you’re head over heels in love.

12. You’re nervous around them

When you find yourself in love, it’s normal to feel a bit on edge, but in a giddy, “I can’t believe this is happening,” sort of way. 

We don’t get nervous around people we couldn’t care less about, do we? Nervousness is a sign you care, a clear sign you’re into someone a lot.

That fluttery buzz your body feels? Your sweaty palms? That blush you wish you could control? All clear physical manifestations of those deeper feelings.

13. You’re more energized around them

Being around someone you are in love with actually gives an extra pep in your step, boosting your inner energy. 

Instead of feelings of fatigue, like you’re forcing yourself to be social, you may find that your time together makes you feel lighter, happier, and more upbeat.

It’s almost like a dose of caffeine from your favorite coffee order, but way better.

14. You find yourself smiling when you think of them

Love has a bit of a sneaky way of making your face light up, even when he’s absent. If you catch yourself smiling at the small moments because something might remind you of them, it’s a physical clue that they’re occupying a special place in your mind — and your heart.

Want to make him smile too? Send him a quick text that will have him grinning ear-to-ear.

15. You get “happy nerves” before seeing them

If you feel a mixture of excitement and jitters before a date, or even just hanging out, it’s a sign you’re feeling something deeper. In fact, there’s a scientific reason for that! 

In a study of the neurobiology of love, researcher Zeki finds that when you’re in “the early stages of romantic love,” nerve growth factor, which affects neurons, is higher than in “those who are not in love or who have stable, long-lasting, relationships.”^[7] 

So those jitters you’re feeling aren’t from the three iced coffees you’ve had today — well, maybe it’s the coffee a bit. Still, your stomach is doing flips, you can’t digest any food, and you can’t wait for the next minute you get to spend with them because you’ve got it bad.

16. You feel calmer when they’re close

Sometimes, love doesn’t just bring butterflies; it can also bring a sense of calm. What can I say? Love loves a contradiction. When you spend time with someone you love, you feel calm and at ease, like all the stressors of your day fade away. 

In their study of secure attachment styles and feeling safe, psychologists Gilbert et. al found “that feelings of safeness and contentment are key” to a healthy relationship.^[8]

We’ve established that you’re nervous before a date, and even a little nervous when you’re around them, but as the evening grows long, you grow calmer and calmer as you begin to realize how safe you feel around this person. 

When you’re feeling the inner sense of safety and peace, you’ve graduated from liking to loving. They’ve become your safe space.

17. Your body language changes

Body language is a powerful indicator of romantic interest. Research suggests that our nonverbal cues can reveal attraction and affection, often without conscious effort. 

For instance, studies in social psychology have shown that mirroring behaviors — like copying someone’s gestures or posture — indicate empathy, connection, and interest.^[9] Leaning in, maintaining eye contact, and orienting your body towards someone are also common signals of attraction.

Here are some other examples of body language to watch out for if you’re trying to diagnose yourself in love:

• Leaning in closer when they speak
• Facing your body directly towards them
• Unconsciously positioning yourself near them
• Touching or grazing their hand or arm
• Holding prolonged eye contact
• Smiling often and showing open expressions
• Adjusting your posture to be more open, like uncrossing arms

Learn to manage all these signs of love and mold them into a brilliant relationship with these dating tips for women.

What Does Love Feel Like?

Despite what the song says, “The Book of Love” is only a melody, not a physical handbook, and while love may not come with a manual, it does come with plenty of emotions — many of which may not make the most sense. 

In his book, The Semiotics of Love, author Marcel Danesi explains, “The changes in facial expression, body language, etc. are physical manifestations of how the body-mind-culture continuum is shaped by the emotional power of love.”^[10]

Sometimes you may feel warm and cozy, like snuggling up on the couch and starting a Netflix binge. Other times, it may feel a bit more intense, like the anticipation that may arise before a big concert. 

However, at its core, love should be a mixture of comfort and excitement all rolled into one. It’s the emotional mix that makes you feel like you’ve met someone on another level.

What to Do About Being in Love

Maybe you’ve found yourself falling hard, but what comes next? Navigating new love can feel a little overwhelming, especially if you’re taking the time to figure out what to do with all these large and exciting feelings. 

Take it slow

Slow and steady wins the race, and let’s be honest, rushing into things can cloud your judgment. Take a deep breath, enjoy the moment, and resist the urge to fast-forward through the stages of love. Real connection takes time, and there’s no need to hurry.

Communicate your feelings

Effective communication is essential for building a healthy foundation in the early stages of a relationship. Research highlights that open communication fosters trust, helps partners understand each other’s needs, and can prevent misunderstandings. 

Studies show that couples who engage in honest and open dialogue from the beginning report higher levels of relationship satisfaction and are more likely to maintain a lasting bond.^[11] 

Embrace the uncertainty

Love isn’t always walking along a straight line. Sometimes, you’ll wonder if you are ready for the next step, questioning if they’re the one, or if these feelings will last. 

Take time to sit with those questions and remember that a little uncertainty is part of the process. Love is not about having all of the answers — it’s about embracing the journey, together.

Focus on building a friendship first

The best relationships are rooted within friendship, so take the time to get to know each other on that deeper level, not simply through romantic moments but shared interests and everyday conversations. Friendship is the foundation that makes love feel secure and lasting.

This is not to say we promote the misguided notion that you should always be “friends first” if you want to build lasting love. That’s nonsense. But a couple should be friends as well as romantic partners. 

According to psychologist Dr. John Gottman, friendship within a relationship is essential for long-term stability. His research indicates that a strong friendship is the foundation for trust, respect, and emotional intimacy, which are key factors in relationship satisfaction. 

When partners know each other well beyond romantic aspects, they are better equipped to handle life’s ups and downs together, making the relationship more resilient.^[12] 

Don’t lose yourself

Don’t listen to Eminem. In a healthy relationship, it’s crucial to maintain your individuality. Research indicates that people who continue to nurture their own passions and friendships experience greater relationship satisfaction and emotional well-being.^[13] 

By staying connected to your own interests, you bring a sense of balance and self-fulfillment that ultimately benefits the relationship.

Psychologists refer to this concept as self-expansion theory, which suggests that personal growth within a relationship leads to greater happiness and resilience.^[14] In fact, couples who encourage each other’s individual interests report higher satisfaction and lower rates of relationship burnout. 

Love is about growing together but also maintaining a strong sense of self.

Celebrate the small moments

Not every moment needs to be a bold or grand gesture. It’s the little things — like a sweet and spontaneous text, sharing a laugh, or a cozy night in — that make love worth it. 

Taking the time to really embrace and enjoy the small moments, these are where you’ll often find the heart of the relationship.

Practice patience

Be prepared that love, much like life, has its ups and downs. It will not always be a smooth ride. When challenges arise, teach yourself to practice patience. 

Love is not about perfection; it’s about being present, even on the harder days. Take a breath and give each other the grace to grow and figure things out together.

Be open to surprises

Love is full of the most unexpected moments. 

Sometimes, it may be a shared hobby you didn’t know you’d enjoy together. Other times, it may be something silly they do that makes you laugh. 

Let go of any preconceived ideas of how love “should” look and let yourself stay open to the fun and surprising adventure that occurs when you fall for someone.

Learn each other’s love languages

Everyone gives and receives love differently. Learning the way you each show and receive love can help you connect a bit more deeply and love each other in ways that resonate for both of you.

Understanding each other’s love language can be transformative in a relationship. Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages, explains that “we all have an emotional love tank that needs to be filled.” 

He emphasizes that when partners learn to speak each other’s love languages, it strengthens the connection and helps both feel more valued and understood.^[15]

Here are Chapman’s love languages: 

• words of affirmation
• acts of service
• receiving gifts
• quality time
• physical touch

Each language shows a unique way to express and experience love. Learning your partner’s love language can deepen your connection and help you show love in a way that feels most genuine and fulfilling for each of you.

Don’t overthink it

It’s too easy to be caught up in analyzing the little details, but love isn’t a big mystery case you need to solve — it’s something you need to feel . . . and do. Love is a verb. 

Instead of overthinking every detail of what each gesture or word might mean, take the time to enjoy being in the moment together. Sometimes, the greatest thing you can do is relax and let things unfold naturally. Make every day about doing love and the rest will fall into place.

Conclusion

Falling in love is one of life’s greatest adventures — an exhilarating mix of excitement and vulnerability. Butterflies, a racing heart, and nervous energy are all part of the magic of knowing you love someone. 

Savor each moment and let love add color to your life. It’s the journey that makes life richer and sweeter.

Ready for more advice about being in a relationship? Just follow the link!

FAQs

References

1. Burunat, E. (2016). Love is not an emotion. Psychology, 7, 1883–1910.
https://doi.org/10.4236/psych.2016.714173

2. Gable, S. L., Gonzaga, G. C., & Strachman, A. (2006). Will you be there for me when things go right? Supportive responses to positive event disclosures. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 91(5), 904–917.
https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.91.5.904

3. Porter, L., Sandercock, L., Umemoto, K., Bates, L. K., Zapata, M. A., & Sandercock, L. (2012). What’s love got to do with it? Illuminations on loving attachment in planning. Planning Theory & Practice, 13(4), 593–627.
https://doi.org/10.1080/14649357.2012.731210

4. Brown, B. (2012). Daring greatly: How the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent, and lead. Gotham Books.

5. Righetti, F., & Impett, E. (2017). Sacrifice in close relationships: Motives, emotions, and relationship outcomes. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 11(10), e12342.
https://doi.org/10.1111/spc3.12342

6. Lowen, A. (2013). Love, sex, and your heart. Simon and Schuster.

7. Zeki, S. (2007). The neurobiology of love. FEBS Letters, 581(14), 2575–2579.
https://doi.org/10.1016/j.febslet.2007.03.094

8. Gilbert, P., McEwan, K., Mitra, R., Franks, L., Richter, A., & Rockliff, H. (2008). Feeling safe and content: A specific affect regulation system? Relationship to depression, anxiety, stress, and self-criticism. The Journal of Positive Psychology, 3(3), 182–191.
https://doi.org/10.1080/17439760801999461

9. Chartrand, T. L., & Bargh, J. A. (1999). The chameleon effect: The perception-behavior link and social interaction. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 76(6), 893–910.
https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.76.6.893

10. Danesi, M. (2019). The Semiotics of love. Palgrave Macmillan, Cham. 

11. Stafford, L. (2010). Communication competencies and long-distance romantic relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 27(4), 544–563.
https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407510363426

12. Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). The seven principles for making marriage work: A practical guide from the country’s foremost relationship expert. Harmony Books.

13. Aron, A., & Aron, E. N. (2000). Self-expansion motivation and including other in the self. In S. Duck (Ed.), The social psychology of personal relationships (2nd ed., pp. 251–270). John Wiley & Sons, Inc.

14. Aron, A., Lewandowski, G., Branand, B., Mashek, D., & Aron, E. (2022). Self-expansion motivation and inclusion of others in self: An updated review. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 39(12), 3821–3852.
https://doi.org/10.1177/02654075221110630

15. Chapman, G. (1995). The 5 love languages: The secret to love that lasts. Northfield Publishing.

By putting words on paper (or screen), journaling helps you reclaim your voice.

Whether you’ve just had a breakup or you’re still in the thick of it, try journaling for healing from a relationship and get a fresh, freeing perspective.

What Is Journaling?

Journaling is an act of self-reclamation — a practice of reconnecting with the parts of you that may have been quieted, reshaped, or overlooked in the course of a relationship. Each entry becomes a space for honesty and self-expression, a moment where your voice can exist unfiltered and unapologetic.

Journaling is more than words on a page; it’s a rediscovery of who you are beneath the layers of experience and emotion. It’s a medium for exploring thoughts and acknowledging the truth of your own story. With every entry, you create a space solely for yourself, a place where all facets of who you are can emerge freely.

Benefits of Journaling: Healing From Relationships

Relationships are hard, and navigating the intricacies of difficulties with someone you love can be totally gutting. When you are left with little places to turn, journaling can serve as a safe space from the emotional whiplash that comes along with the many emotions of a tough relationship. 

Journaling helps you see things clearly, reconnect with who you are, and reclaim your voice before, during, or after a relationship — trust me, it works. 

In fact, a recent study conducted for the Annals of Behavioral Medicine uncovered that “journalers focusing on cognitions and emotions developed greater awareness of the positive benefits of the stressful event,” so you may even begin to see some silver linings, too!^[1]

Here’s some other top reasons why journaling helps you heal and cope:

Clarifies your story 

Relationships can make you feel like a side character in your own life. Journaling hands you back the script, letting you reclaim the lead role and rewrite your story on your terms.

This is especially helpful in toxic relationships, in which manipulation and gaslighting are huge risks. Jotting down your version of conversations or events gives you a frame of reference to turn to when someone is trying to make you question your reality. 

Releases big emotions 

Ever feel like your emotions are cranking up the drama? Writing them down takes the edge off. Try this: three pages of stream-of-consciousness each morning — no edits, no rereads, just a total brain dump. Then toss it and start fresh.

Emotions are meant to be felt, but it’s not always convenient to express them. Maybe it’s the wrong time or place, or maybe your companion doesn’t appreciate your emotional expression. Journaling gives you permission to feel your emotions. 

Creates a safe space 

Think of your journal as that bestie who lets you spill the tea, no judgment. It’s your personal space to say it all, giving you the freedom to feel, process, and heal in your own way.

How to Use a Journal for Healing

When you’ve decided to take the plunge and dive headfirst into emotional journaling, it might appear overwhelming at first. You’ll soon find, though, that journaling gives you space to release what’s on your mind, without any rules or pressure.

Here are some easy ways to turn those thoughts into your ultimate healing process:

Set the scene

Find a cozy spot — whether it’s your favorite chair, a candlelit corner, or a park bench that makes you feel like a main character. Creating an intentional space isn’t just about comfort; it signals to your mind and heart that this time is truly yours. 

When you set the scene, you’re making a commitment to slow down, be present, and allow yourself the freedom to reflect and reconnect with your inner self. This “me time” becomes a small ritual of self-care, grounding you as you embark on your journey of self-discovery.

Let it all out 

No filters, no edits. Allow your thoughts to spill onto the page like a streaming binge. Here, there’s no need for perfection or polish — no one’s here to judge. This is your space, your story, so go wild. Embrace the freedom to write without restraint, letting each word reflect the truest version of yourself.

Time it right 

Give yourself a solid 10 or 20 minutes. This way, you’re free to dive in, knowing you can always come back for more when you’re ready. Each session becomes a small yet meaningful ritual, a chance to reconnect without feeling pressured to say it all at once.

Start with gratitude 

Open each entry by jotting down three things you’re grateful for, big or small. This simple practice acts as a gentle reminder that, even on the toughest days, there’s something worth holding onto. 

It shifts your perspective, grounding you in positivity before diving deeper into your thoughts, and helps you recognize the little moments that bring light to your journey.

Try a brain dump 

Have too many thoughts swirling around? Try a quick five-minute brain dump — just scribble down everything that’s on your mind, no structure needed. This simple exercise clears mental clutter, giving you a sense of relief and a lighter headspace to focus on what matters most.

Use prompts for inspiration 

Not sure where to start? Think of prompts as training wheels for journaling. Choose one that resonates, and let it guide you onto the page. It’s a gentle nudge to get thoughts flowing, helping you discover what’s waiting to be expressed.

Embrace the chaos 

Messy handwriting, crossed-out words — let it all unfold naturally. Perfection isn’t the goal; expression is. Embrace the rawness, knowing that each line captures your truth, just as it is.

Add some color 

Use different pens, highlighters, or even add doodles to bring your journal to life. These little touches make your emotions feel more dynamic and tangible, adding layers that reflect the depth of your experience. Let the colors and sketches capture the nuances words can’t always express.

Make it a routine 

Choose a regular time that fits seamlessly into your day, whether it’s with your morning coffee or right before bed. Just like a skincare routine, the consistency makes it feel natural and part of your rhythm. Over time, this simple habit becomes a comforting ritual, grounding you as you reconnect with yourself.

Reflect on your progress

Every so often, take a moment to flip through your entries. Notice the changes, the little shifts, and the growth — it’s a powerful reminder of how far you’ve come. Each page holds pieces of your journey, showing you the resilience and evolution within.

Don’t reread right away 

For those raw, unfiltered entries, resist the urge to read them right away. Let them breathe, giving yourself the distance to process. When you’re ready to revisit, you’ll see them with fresh eyes and a clearer perspective, allowing for deeper reflection and understanding.

Journal Prompts for Healing From a Relationship

Moving on after a difficult relationship can be tough, and it’s common to feel like parts of yourself got lost along the way. Journaling can be a lifeline, a way to reconnect with who you are outside of the “we” and get back to “me.” 

Think of it as a process to unpack everything you’ve been carrying around, a place where you can write about your big feelings without fear of judgment. This is your space to figure out what matters to you — to understand what you really want and start seeing yourself from a new perspective.

To get started, here are some prompts that will guide you through reflecting, processing, and rediscovering who you are. Take it at your own pace, and let the words flow.

• Who am I when I’m not defined by this relationship? Who am I when I’m not defined by this relationship?

Explore what made you you before the relationship. Explore what made you you before the relationship.

• What parts of myself have I neglected? What parts of myself have I neglected?

Think about the passions, interests, or parts of your personality that may have taken a backseat. Think about the passions, interests, or parts of your personality that may have taken a backseat.

• What do I want to say to my past self? What do I want to say to my past self?

Write a letter to yourself from today’s perspective. What would you tell the version of you from before or during the relationship? Write a letter to yourself from today’s perspective. What would you tell the version of you from before or during the relationship?

• How has this relationship shaped me, for better or worse? How has this relationship shaped me, for better or worse?

Acknowledge any positives and any pain. Both can be part of your growth. Acknowledge any positives and any pain. Both can be part of your growth.

• What are three things I miss about being single? What are three things I miss about being single?

Dive into what you enjoy about focusing on yourself and your own needs. Dive into what you enjoy about focusing on yourself and your own needs.

• What boundaries do I need to feel safe in future relationships? What boundaries do I need to feel safe in future relationships?

Maybe there were warning signs you missed along the way. Consider what boundaries will help you feel respected, secure, and true to yourself. Maybe there were warning signs you missed along the way. Consider what boundaries will help you feel respected, secure, and true to yourself.

• What does “self-love” look like for me right now? What does “self-love” look like for me right now?

Describe actions, habits, or affirmations that make you feel cared for by you. Describe actions, habits, or affirmations that make you feel cared for by you.

• What do I forgive myself for? What do I forgive myself for?

Reflect on any guilt or regret and give yourself permission to let it go. Reflect on any guilt or regret and give yourself permission to let it go.

• How can I fill my life with joy and peace? How can I fill my life with joy and peace?

Identify what brings you genuine happiness and inner calm, and brainstorm ways to bring more of it into your life. Identify what brings you genuine happiness and inner calm, and brainstorm ways to bring more of it into your life.

• What are my dreams and goals now? What are my dreams and goals now?

Without compromise, list what you want in life, love, and career. This is your chance to dream big. Without compromise, list what you want in life, love, and career. This is your chance to dream big.

Self-Care Journal Prompts

Self-care is more than bubble baths and spa days (though those can be amazing too). True self-care dives deeper, touching on the parts of you that need love, attention, and maybe a little TLC after a tough relationship. It’s about reconnecting with your needs, finding joy in small moments, and creating a relationship with yourself that feels grounding and affirming.

Journaling can really work to accomplish this goal, too. Expert therapist Susan Borkin wrote in her book The Healing Power of Writing that by its nature “journaling is an intimate form of writing, one that is able to touch deeply into places that are difficult to speak about.”^[2] 

These prompts are here to help you explore what caring for yourself really means and how to make self-love a natural part of your everyday life.

• What does “me time” look like for me right now? What does “me time” look like for me right now?

Picture your ideal self-care routine — whether it’s as simple as a quiet coffee or as adventurous as a day trip. Writing it down will help you visualize it, and visualizing it will help you strive for it. Picture your ideal self-care routine — whether it’s as simple as a quiet coffee or as adventurous as a day trip. Writing it down will help you visualize it, and visualizing it will help you strive for it.

• How can I show love to myself today? How can I show love to myself today?

Think of one thing you can do for yourself today that feels genuinely caring. Think of one thing you can do for yourself today that feels genuinely caring.

• What makes me feel most alive? What makes me feel most alive?

Spending some time to write and reflect on the moments that make you feel energized, joyful, and fully present will help you reprioritize what you are doing day to day. Spending some time to write and reflect on the moments that make you feel energized, joyful, and fully present will help you reprioritize what you are doing day to day.

• How do I want to feel at the end of each day? How do I want to feel at the end of each day?

Describe the emotions you’d like to experience as you wind down each evening. Writing down your goals and hopes makes them real. See what your words can manifest. Describe the emotions you’d like to experience as you wind down each evening. Writing down your goals and hopes makes them real. See what your words can manifest.

• What does it mean to truly “be there” for myself? What does it mean to truly “be there” for myself?

Taking time to write about this topic may be difficult. We often don’t give ourselves the same nurturing care as we do to those we are close with. Consider how you can support yourself as you would a close friend. Taking time to write about this topic may be difficult. We often don’t give ourselves the same nurturing care as we do to those we are close with. Consider how you can support yourself as you would a close friend.

• What do I need to release to feel more at peace? What do I need to release to feel more at peace?

Inhale, exhale, and write down all of those things that are getting in the way of your next steps. These can be habits, stressors, or really anything you feel poised to let go of. Inhale, exhale, and write down all of those things that are getting in the way of your next steps. These can be habits, stressors, or really anything you feel poised to let go of.

• What does comfort look like to me? What does comfort look like to me?

Take a moment to explore what brings you warmth and a sense of security. It could be a cozy blanket, a favorite scent, or the comfort of a familiar routine. These items, places, and even people can give you a safe space to retreat to when life gets hard — and what better way than having a list? Take a moment to explore what brings you warmth and a sense of security. It could be a cozy blanket, a favorite scent, or the comfort of a familiar routine. These items, places, and even people can give you a safe space to retreat to when life gets hard — and what better way than having a list?

• What are three things I can do for myself this week? What are three things I can do for myself this week?

Plan small acts of self-care that you can look forward to. It might be as simple as enjoying a hot cup of tea, taking a brisk walk outside, indulging in a favorite book, or setting aside time for a relaxing bath. These small rituals give you moments to recharge and bring comfort to your day, adding a gentle boost to your routine. Plan small acts of self-care that you can look forward to. It might be as simple as enjoying a hot cup of tea, taking a brisk walk outside, indulging in a favorite book, or setting aside time for a relaxing bath. These small rituals give you moments to recharge and bring comfort to your day, adding a gentle boost to your routine.

• When was the last time I felt truly content? When was the last time I felt truly content?

Think back to a moment of pure contentment and what contributed to it. Write it down. Think back to a moment of pure contentment and what contributed to it. Write it down.

• How can I add a little joy to my everyday routine? How can I add a little joy to my everyday routine?

Consider ways to bring small, joyful touches into your daily life, like music, a favorite drink, or five minutes in nature. Consider ways to bring small, joyful touches into your daily life, like music, a favorite drink, or five minutes in nature.

Journaling Exercises

When you’re journaling to heal, a few structured exercises can help you process emotions without feeling overwhelmed. These exercises are a gentle way to create balance, offering a mix of guided reflection and open expression. Think of them as small rituals to connect with yourself and make sense of what you’re going through.

• Gratitude check: List three things you’re grateful for today, even if they’re tiny moments. This exercise helps ground you, reminding you that even in tough times, there are things to appreciate.
• Emotion mapping: Jot down how you’re feeling in the moment. Get specific — write, draw, or list what’s on your mind. Identifying emotions as they come up can make them feel more manageable.
• Relationship lessons: Maybe there were warning signs you missed along the way. Reflect on what this relationship has taught you about yourself, your values, and your boundaries. Be honest; it’s all part of your growth.
• Heart check-in: Take a minute to tune into what your heart feels today. Do you feel heavy, relieved, hopeful? Acknowledge it without judgment and note it down.
• Energy audit: Write about what energizes and drains you right now. This can help you understand which relationships and activities are lifting you up or bringing you down.
• Future-self letter: Imagine a healed version of yourself a few months from now. Write a letter from them, offering encouragement and perspective.
• Release and rewrite: Write down something about the relationship you need to let go of, then flip the page and rewrite it as a lesson learned or a strength gained.
• Feelings vs. facts: Separate what you’re feeling from the actual facts of the relationship. Sometimes emotions cloud our understanding, so this exercise can help bring clarity.
• Boundary check: Reflect on what boundaries you’d like to set in future relationships. Visualize how those boundaries will help you feel safe and respected.
• Daily self-compassion: End each entry with a note of compassion toward yourself — whether it’s a reminder to take things slowly, or an affirmation that healing is a process.

Things to Write in a Journal

Whether you’re writing about your day or exploring your thoughts, journaling is a way to capture moments and learn about yourself. 

In his book, Healing Through Writing: A Journaling Guide to Emotional and Spiritual Growth, author Anthony Parnell speaks about journaling as “a means by which I can process my thoughts and emotions irrespective of the support or insight of others.”^[3]

So, think of your journal as your sounding board, ready to soak in all you’ve got to unload.

• Reflections on a good day: Think about a recent day that made you feel good. What was it about that day that felt right? Capture those small details — they’re clues to what brings you joy.
• Weekly goals: Write down a few intentions for the week ahead, no matter how small. Maybe it’s practicing more self-kindness or spending time doing what you love.
• Small wins: List one thing you accomplished today, even if it’s as simple as getting out of bed on a tough day. These moments add up and remind you of your progress.
• Mood changes: At the end of each day, jot down how you felt. Noticing patterns over time can help you understand what influences your emotions.
• Happy memories: Write about a favorite memory that has nothing to do with any relationship. Reliving good times that are purely yours can remind you of who you are.
• Something new you learned: Whether it’s about yourself, a hobby, or life in general, recording new insights helps you recognize your growth.
• Moments of gratitude: List one thing you’re grateful for from the day. It’s a reminder that each day has something worth appreciating.
• A moment of peace: Write about a moment, however brief, when you felt calm. Look for ways to create more of these moments.
• Intention for tomorrow: Close each entry with something you’d like to focus on tomorrow. It might be as simple as taking a deep breath or doing something kind for yourself.
• Personal strengths: After a tough day, list one strength you showed, like patience, resilience, or kindness. This is a gentle reminder of your capacity to handle whatever comes.

Journaling for Trauma Healing

Healing from deep emotional wounds — especially those from an emotionally abusive relationship — isn’t a linear journey. When you’re carrying the weight of unresolved trauma, it can feel overwhelming, like there’s no place for all the tangled emotions to go. 

This is where journaling comes in, offering a private and judgment-free space to process what may be too difficult to speak out loud.

Experts explain that journaling can help us make sense of experiences that once felt completely out of our control. Writing gives us the chance to release emotions that might otherwise stay bottled up, leading to stress and anxiety. 

Trauma specialist Dr. Miriam Greenspan explains, “It’s the process of externalizing big emotions that can bring perspective and relief. When you put your feelings into words, it shifts them from something undefined and chaotic into something you can start to understand and manage.”^[4]

Through journaling, you take what was once internal — feelings of confusion, sadness, anger — and bring them outside of yourself, making them something you can look at with a bit of distance. 

This act of “externalizing” emotions helps clarify what may have felt impossible to sort through before. And when you see these emotions on the page, it’s as though you’ve transferred some of the weight onto the paper, creating space for healing within yourself.

But it’s not just about venting. Journaling for trauma is also about reframing. Reframing is the process of shifting your perspective on an experience, allowing you to see it in a new light.

When you reframe through journaling, you’re actively choosing to reinterpret past events, often focusing on what you’ve learned or how you’ve grown. It’s a way of transforming painful memories into sources of resilience and insight, helping you move forward with a renewed sense of empowerment.

As you write, you might begin to see patterns in your relationships, understand choices you made, and uncover moments where you stood strong, even if it didn’t feel like it at the time. With each entry, you’re rewriting your narrative, reminding yourself of your resilience and reclaiming your power.

Conclusion

Journaling for healing isn’t a one-stop-shop for recovering from a complicated relationship, getting over a breakup, or rebuilding yourself after years of abuse. But combined with time, therapy, and a supportive network, it will help you move on.

If you’re ready, consider journaling as a companion in your healing journey. Use it to honor your feelings, find clarity in the chaos, and, ultimately, to rediscover peace. For more advice and information about ending a relationship, follow the link.

FAQs

What do you write in a healing journal?

In a healing journal, you can write anything that helps you process emotions and gain clarity. This might include reflections on your day, descriptions of difficult feelings, things you’re grateful for, or even messages of forgiveness to yourself. The key is to use your journal as a safe place to express yourself without judgment.

Does journaling help you heal?

Yes, journaling can help you heal. It’s been shown to help with emotional healing by allowing you to process complex feelings, reduce stress, and gain perspective on your experiences. Writing about what you’re going through can bring structure to overwhelming emotions, helping you to better understand and manage them.

How do I start journaling for self-healing?

To start journaling for self-healing, pick a quiet space and begin by writing whatever comes to mind. Set a small goal, like 10 minutes or one page, and let your thoughts flow freely. Starting with a prompt, such as “What do I need to let go of?” or “How am I feeling today?” can help if you’re unsure where to begin.

Can journaling be a form of therapy?

While journaling is not a substitute for professional therapy, it can be a therapeutic tool. Journaling allows you to express emotions, reflect on challenges, and gain insights that can support your mental well-being. Many therapists recommend journaling as a way to enhance self-awareness and encourage personal growth between sessions.

How do you start a recovery journal?

Starting a recovery journal is about creating a space to track your progress and reflect on your healing journey. Begin by setting an intention, such as focusing on positive changes or recording small victories. Writing about your challenges, the coping skills you’re practicing, and moments of gratitude can be helpful as you work through recovery.

References

1. Ullrich, P. M., & Lutgendorf, S. K. (2002). Journaling about stressful events: Effects of cognitive processing and emotional expression. Annals of Behavioral Medicine, 24(3), 244–50.
https://doi.org/10.1207/S15324796ABM2403_10

2. Borkin, S. (2014). The healing power of writing: A therapist’s guide to using journaling with clients. W.W. Norton & Company.

3. Parnell, A. (2005). Healing through writing: A journaling guide to emotional and spiritual growth. iUniverse.

4. Greenspan, M. (2003). Healing through the dark emotions: The wisdom of grief, fear, and despair. Shambhala Publications.

11 Signs He Sees You Long-Term

1. He talks about a future together

A guy who’s getting serious doesn’t just talk about his next career move or solo vacation. No, he’s dropping hints (or flat-out making plans) for your joint future. Whether it’s taking a road trip next month or spending a holiday dinner with your family, he’s mentally putting you in his calendar for the long haul.

Couples who make future plans together experience stronger relationship satisfaction and feel more secure. So, if he’s talking about summer vacations and you’re invited, girl, he’s thinking long-term.

2. He’s met — and gets along with — your friends and family

If he’s not running for the hills when you suggest brunch with your bestie or meeting your family, that’s a major green flag. When a guy is serious, he wants to integrate into your world. 

A study from Social Neuroscience found that men who engage with their partner’s social circle are more likely to commit.^[1] He’s not just showing up for you — he’s making an effort with your people, and that says a lot.

3. He makes you a priority

This one might seem obvious, but people’s schedules are packed these days. Between work, the gym, and squeezing in “me time,” if he’s making regular, quality time with you, it means you’re important to him. 

In a study published in the journal Contemporary Family Therapy, research suggests that couples who make intentional time for each other have higher relationship satisfaction.^[2] Whether it’s a chill night in or a weekend getaway, he’s not just fitting you into his life; he’s planning around you.

4. He’s open about his feelings and goals

Gone are the days when men bottled up their emotions (well, mostly). If he’s being vulnerable, talking about his feelings, or even discussing his career goals with you, that’s a good sign. He’s not afraid to show you who he really is.

According to Dr. John Gottman in his book The Relationship Cure, “Open communication is one of the cornerstones of a strong relationship.”^[3] If he’s letting you in on his dreams, his fears, or his quirky obsession with Dungeons and Dragons — congratulations, you’re in.

5. He respects your boundaries

Ladies, if he’s serious about you, he’ll respect your space and boundaries. He’s not going to push you to cancel girls’ night or demand that you spend every weekend with him. 

Dr. Alexandra Solomon, author and relationship expert, notes in her book Loving Bravely that healthy boundaries are essential for a thriving partnership.^[4] If he’s giving you the freedom to maintain your own life while still wanting to be a big part of it, he’s a keeper.

6. He makes sacrifices for the relationship

Whether it’s skipping game night with the boys to help you move or offering to pick up your favorite takeout after a long day, a guy who’s really serious will make compromises. 

In a study of relationship psychology and sacrifice published by the Stanford Journal of Science, Technology, and Society, research indicates that men who make sacrifices for their partners are more likely to be committed to the relationship.^[5] So, when he ditches his weekend plans to nurse you back to health when you’re sick, it’s a good sign he’s not going anywhere.

7. He shows up for the big (and little) moments

A guy who’s serious about you will be there for both your big wins and the everyday moments. He’s not just showing up for milestone birthdays or major events — he’s there to support you when you’re stressed about work, excited about a new hobby, or just need someone to binge-watch The Office with for the 100th time. 

Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages, notes that consistent presence and support are key indicators of emotional investment.^[6] If he’s making time for the mundane, not just the grand gestures, he’s in it for more than just the highlights reel.

8. He values your opinion and input

A guy who’s serious about you isn’t just interested in sharing his opinions and input — he’s genuinely interested in yours. He asks for your advice on decisions, whether big (career choices) or small (what to order for dinner), because he respects your thoughts and values your perspective. 

Couples who value each other’s opinions tend to have more long-lasting, committed relationships. If he’s regularly seeking your perspective, it’s a sign he sees you as an equal partner in his life.

9. He’s consistent and reliable

Talk is cheap. A guy who’s serious will back up his words with actions. If he says he’s going to call, he calls. If he makes plans, he sticks to them. Consistent behavior shows he respects your time and is committed to building trust. 

Gottman’s research on relationships emphasizes that reliability is one of the key pillars of trust in any partnership. If he’s dependable, that’s a solid sign he’s serious about making things work with you.^[7]

10. He talks about “we” instead of “me”

When he’s serious about the relationship, you’ll notice a shift in his language — suddenly, it’s all about “we” instead of just “me.” Whether he’s talking about weekend plans, future vacations, or even household decisions, he starts viewing the two of you as a team. 

In a meta-analysis study conducted by top relationship experts, “partner use of we-talk was generally more strongly related to relationship functioning than own use.”^[8] 

So, if his sentences are filled with “we should” and “when we,” it’s a good sign he’s thinking of you as a long-term partner.

11. He calls you his girlfriend

One of the clearest signs a man is serious about you is when he openly calls you his girlfriend. It’s more than just a label — it’s a public declaration that he’s committed and ready to level up. When he’s comfortable using this term, he’s showing that he’s not just dating casually, he’s primed for something more.

According to a study from Bucknell University, using relationship labels like “girlfriend” influences perceptions of commitment and partner treatment, especially in public settings. This label signals a clear intention to build a lasting partnership.^[9]

So, if he’s introducing you as his girlfriend to friends, family, or colleagues, it’s a solid indication he’s invested in making the relationship official​

Signs He Wants a Serious Relationship With You

A man can be serious about you without necessarily wanting a serious relationship just yet. Maybe he’s still working through his career goals or emotional readiness, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t see a relationship with you as long-term potential. Here are some signs to look for when he’s ready to lock it down:

• He talks openly about building a future together.
• He wants to have a define the relationship (DTR) talk.
• He’s consistently reliable and supportive.
• He’s emotionally available and communicative.
• He includes you in his five-year plan and beyond.

Recognizing when someone is truly serious about you requires patience and paying attention to both words and actions. If he’s consistently showing up, communicating openly, and making you a priority, chances are he’s thinking long-term. 

Remember, every relationship moves at its own pace, so trust your instincts and don’t rush the process. The key is to ensure that you’re both on the same page and building something meaningful together.

How to Handle When He’s Really Serious About You but Not Ready for a Relationship

Sometimes, he’s totally serious about you, but he’s just not there yet when it comes to commitment. Maybe it’s career, maybe it’s timing, but it’s important to have an honest conversation about where you both stand.

Psychotherapist Esther Perel emphasizes that while you can’t force someone into a relationship, understanding where they’re coming from is key.^[10] Ask him about his timeline and decide if it aligns with your own goals. 

If not? Well, it might be time for some tough love.

A guy who says he’s serious about you but isn’t ready to commit might have some of his own issues to work through. If he’s refusing to level up the relationship and that doesn’t match your five-year plan, you may have to evaluate where you stand with him.

Conclusion

If you’re wondering how to know if a man is serious about you, watch his actions. When he consistently shows up, includes you in his life, and respects your boundaries, he’s likely committed for the long term. Trust your instincts, communicate clearly, and look for genuine emotional investment.

If you’re looking for more advice about getting into a relationship, just follow the link.

Frequently Asked Questions

How can you tell if a guy is falling in love?

You can tell a guy is falling in love when he’s eager to spend quality time with you, show vulnerability, and share his serious, deep feelings. He’s emotionally present, discussing the future and including you in his plans, signaling he’s serious about the relationship and sees a future with you.

Is he into me or just being nice?

A man who is into you and not just being nice will prioritize you and include you in his plans. He’ll consistently show signs of emotional investment, while a guy who’s just being nice might engage casually without deeper commitment. Look for signs of his long-term relationship intentions.

How can you ask a guy if he’s serious about you?

To ask if a guy is serious about you, approach the topic with open and honest communication. Say something like, “I’m looking for something serious. Where do you see this relationship going?” A man who’s serious will appreciate your transparency and discuss his feelings and future plans openly.

References

1. Hsu, D. T., Sankar, A., Malik, M. A., Langenecker, S. A., Mickey, B. J., & Love, T. M. (2020). Common neural responses to romantic rejection and acceptance in healthy adults. Social Neuroscience, 15(5), 571–583.
   https://doi.org/10.1080/17470919.2020.1801502  ︎
2. Hogan, J. N., Crenshaw, A. O., Baucom, K. J. W., & Baucom, B. R. W. (2021). Time spent together in intimate relationships: Implications for relationship functioning. Contemporary Family Therapy, 43(3), 226–233.
   https://doi.org/10.1007/s10591-020-09562-6 ︎
3. Gottman, J. M., & DeClaire, J. (2017). The relationship cure: A 5 step guide to strengthening your marriage, family, and friendships. Harmony. ︎
4. Solomon, A. (2017). Loving bravely: Twenty lessons of self-discovery to help you get the love you want. New Harbinger Publications. ︎
5. Barrocas, G. (2023). The psychological impact of sacrifice in romantic relationships and partner wellbeing. The Stanford Journal of Science, Technology, and Society, 17(1).
   https://ojs.stanford.edu/ojs/index.php/intersect/article/view/2972 ︎
6. Chapman, G. D. (1992). The five love languages. Northfield Publishing. ︎
7. Gottman, J. M., & DeClaire, J. (2017). The relationship cure: A 5 step guide to strengthening your marriage, family, and friendships. Harmony. ︎
8. Karan, A., Rosenthal, R., & Robbins, M. L. (2019). Meta-analytic evidence that we-talk predicts relationship and personal functioning in romantic couples. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 36(9), 2624–2651.
   https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0265407518795336  ︎
9. Golub, K. (2013). How do relationship labels affect partner treatment and relationship status perceptions? [Bachelor’s thesis, Bucknell University]. Bucknell Digital Commons.
   https://digitalcommons.bucknell.edu/honors_theses/133  ︎
10. Perel, E., & Miller, M. A. (2021). Letters from Esther #31: Inviting vulnerability. Esther Perel.
    https://www.estherperel.com/blog/letters-from-esther-31-inviting-vulnerability ︎

Knowing how to tell if someone has a crush on you is as easy as paying attention. Which won’t be too hard if you’re crushing too — you’re already probably watching them. Here are 8 clear signs and 6 not-so-clear signs to help you know if someone is pining for you.

8 Clear Signs That Someone Has a Crush on You

Some signs that someone may have a crush on you are hidden, waiting for you to coax them out. Others, though, are like a siren barreling you toward your next romance. 

Prolonged eye contact

If they’re always catching your gaze, it’s a surefire sign they’re interested. Eye contact is one of the most powerful forms of nonverbal communication, often signaling a desire for connection and intimacy. 

In fact, a 2020 study published in the journal Personality and Individual Differences rated nonverbal cues, including eye contact, as one of the most telling signs of flirting.^[1] 

When someone is constantly staring at you or searching for your gaze, it shows that they are remaining locked in and focused on you, which is a strong indicator of attraction. This type of direct gaze can promote a firm sense of closeness and trust. 

Proximity and casual touching

If they’re always finding ways to be close — whether it’s sitting next to you or “accidentally” brushing against you — they’re definitely interested. 

A 2018 study in the Psychological Bulletin sought to decipher the connection between proximity and emotional response. Authors Montoya et al. determined that proximity is a strong indicator of attraction because it reflects a desire to be near you and create a sense of connection.^[2] 

When someone intentionally positions themselves close to you, it’s often a subconscious way of signaling their interest and wanting to build intimacy. 

Adding subtle touches to proximity doubles-down on the theory that proximity indicates attraction. If your would-be admirer brushes up against you every chance they get, you can be sure it’s no accident.

Flirtatious teasing

Feeling like you’re back on the kindergarten playground lately? If they’re throwing playful jabs your way, it’s their sneaky way of flirting. It’s how they test the waters while building that connection. 

Playful teasing is a common and effective way to express romantic interest without being too direct. By engaging in light-hearted banter or gentle ribbing, they’re not only trying to make you laugh but also gauging your reactions and comfort level. 

This kind of teasing often creates a fun and flirty atmosphere, allowing them to bond with you while keeping the mood light. It’s a way to show affection and interest by encouraging interaction and opens the door for deeper connections. 

Reaching out for communication

If they’re always the one striking up conversations, it’s a big hint they’re eager to get to know you better. 

When looking at the link between conversation and the expression of interest, psychologists Sprecher et al. reveal that initiating conversation is a clear sign of interest because it shows they’re making an effort to connect with you on a deeper level.^[3] 

Whether they’re asking about your day, sharing stories, or finding reasons to talk, this consistent engagement reflects a genuine curiosity and desire to learn more about you. 

Talking about you

When your name starts getting dropped in their conversations more than Taylor Swift drops albums, it’s a clear sign you’re on their mind. 

Whether they’re bringing you up while talking about weekend plans or casually mentioning your quirky love for The Office during happy hour, it’s more than just small talk. He cares about you!

It’s like you’ve become the headline of their personal gossip column. If you’re suddenly the topic of their stories, chances are you’re the main character in their thoughts too. So keep your ears open for word from the grapevine that your name’s been on their lips of late.

Showering you with gifts and favors

If they’re suddenly volunteering to do favors for you, from picking up lunch to helping with a project, it’s their “grand gesture” moment, a la 10 Things I Hate About You — minus the stadium serenade, but just as meaningful. 

Showering you with gifts, even if it’s just coffee, isn’t just a major green flag, it’s a sign he wants to make you coffee in the morning, at his place.

These little acts of kindness are their way of showing they care without being too obvious, and let’s be honest, when someone’s this eager to help, they’re definitely interested.

Expressing jealousy

When they start throwing shade at anyone who gets too close to you, or their mood shifts when you mention someone else, it’s a clear sign they’re feeling a bit jealous. Jealousy can be that not-so-subtle hint that they’re catching serious feelings. 

If they’re acting a little possessive, it’s likely because they’re secretly hoping to be the only star in your rom-com, definitely in a script with no love triangles!

Sweet talk

Ah, the sweet serenade of a voice dipped in honey — if they’re speaking to you like you’re the last piece of chocolate cake, take note. Showering you with compliments, as well, is a form of sweet talk that surely won’t go unnoticed.

“That color you’re wearing really makes your eyes pop” is practically a romance novel in the works. That extra effort in telling you how amazing you look and the gentle, tender way they say your name are the verbal equivalent of a handwritten love letter in a world full of DMs. 

So, if their voice drops to a whisper and they’re suddenly showering you with praise, consider it your cue that they’re head over heels — because let’s be real, nobody pulls out the soft voice and the compliments unless they’re ready to sweep you off your feet.

6 Subtle Signs That Someone Likes You

Other types of behavior could just indicate your possible paramour is a nice person. But you may see any of the above obvious signs combined with these more understated indicators. 

Smiling

A smile is worth a thousand words. It’s also another strong indicator that someone is definitely feeling you. So, if they light up like a Christmas tree when you’re around, they’re definitely enjoying your company. 

Smiling is one of the most universally recognized signals of warmth and happiness, and when someone frequently smiles at you, according to a study published in Psychology of Women Quarterly, it’s a strong indicator that they feel comfortable and pleased in your presence.^[4]

Of course, a smile could also just indicate that the smiler is a happy, content, and altogether pleasant person. If he smiles at you with his bedroom eyes, though, well . . .

Body language

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s catching feelings after all? 

Mirroring your movement, such as crossing and uncrossing their legs after you cross and uncross your legs, is a telltale sign of attraction. This is because mirroring another’s physical expressions and movements “creates comfort and emotional availability, contributes to identifying and labeling feeling, and contributes to arousing intimacy and desire.”^[5] 

Simply put, men want to be your hero. Not necessarily an action hero like Thor, but he does want to step up to the plate for the woman in his life and be appreciated for his efforts.

The hero instinct is probably the best kept secret in relationship psychology. And I think it holds the key to a man’s love and devotion for life. You can read here.

Here’s a link to James Bauer’s free video again.

Other, more subtle, body language cues can indicate someone is interested. 

Leaning in toward you when you speak, raising their eyebrows, turning their body toward you, and dilated pupils are all body-based hints to help find out if someone likes you.

Nervous tells

If they’re suddenly displaying signs of nervousness like being extra fidgety, or blushing like they’ve been caught binge-watching Love Island, they’re definitely into you but trying their best right now to play it cool.

In fact, a study covering the five flirting styles determined that if they’re displaying signs of nervousness, it adds a layer of sincerity to the whole thing!^[6] 

Think of your favorite rom-com moment where the star, probably a lovely but introverted guy, gets a bit too tongue-tied around their crush, and we’re all sitting there thinking, “Aww, they’ve got it bad.” 

So take note, if they’re stumbling over their words or can’t seem to keep still, don’t worry — they’re just trying to keep their cool while secretly hoping you feel the same.

Weird Actions

Are they acting weirdly around you?

Maybe they stumble over their words, become tense or nervous, or even pull away suddenly and unexpectedly. They’ll probably tell some awkward jokes.

These are actually counter-intuitive signs that someone likes you.

Weird behavior like this when you like someone is actually more common in men than women.

This is because male and female brains are biologically different. For instance, the limbic system is the emotional processing center of the brain and it’s much larger in the female brain than in a man’s.

That’s why women are more in touch with their emotions. And why guys can struggle to process and understand their feelings. The result can be some pretty weird behavior (in your eyes).

It should be no surprise then that according to the science journal, “Archives of Sexual Behavior”, men don’t choose women for “logical reasons”.

To truly connect with a man emotionally, it’s essential to communicate in a way that resonates with him. There are certain phrases and approaches that can spark his interest on a deeper level.

Relationship expert Amy North has uncovered these insights, and you can watch her excellent free video here.

In her video, Amy shares exactly what to say to make a man feel a deep, passionate commitment, even if he’s hesitant or commitment-shy. Her techniques, backed by science, work wonders for building attraction and inspiring lasting devotion. If you’re curious to learn these methods, check out her free video here.

Lingering chat

When they’re dragging out conversations over the most random, silly topics — like debating the best Friends character (Joey, obvs) or discussing the merits of pineapple on pizza — you’ve got a clear sign they’re hooked. 

It’s not really about the topic at hand; it’s about finding any excuse to keep chatting with you. Think of it as their subtle way of hitting the “continue watching” button on Netflix — they’re not ready for this moment to end.

Attention

When someone’s giving you that main character energy, making you feel like you’re the only person in a crowded room, you can bet they’re more than a little interested. 

If they’re hanging on your every word, or their focus on you is sharper than a plot twist in a Shonda Rhimes series, it’s a dead giveaway they’re falling hard. 

But it doesn’t stop there — if they’re taking a genuine interest in your hobbies, remembering details from your last conversation, and even following up on them later, it’s like they’re binge-watching a series starring you. 

And if they’re practically tuning out the rest of the world when you’re around, ignoring everyone else like you’re the only one in the room, it’s safe to say they’re fully invested in your storyline.

Upgrading his appearance

When someone starts putting extra effort into their appearance around you, they may be stepping up their game for a red-carpet moment in your personal rom-com. Whether it’s a new hairstyle, a sharp outfit, or just a little extra grooming, they may not just be dressing to impress — they may be doing it all for you.

If you notice them suddenly swapping out their usual casual look for something that screams “date night” whenever you’re around, it’s a good sign they’re hoping you’ll notice them as much as they’ve noticed you.

But take this as confirmation if it’s the only sign. Anyone can upgrade their wardrobe on a whim. You don’t want to embarrass yourself assuming his new jeans are all about you.

Conclusion

Decoding the signs of a crush is like catching those inside jokes as an adult watching a Disney film — once you notice, it all clicks. Sure, the lingering eye contact and casual touches are the obvious giveaways, but it’s the sneaky signals — like mirroring your moves or new haircut — that spill the real tea. 

Think of these cues as your backstage pass to navigating the romance game with confidence. So, the next time you need to know how to tell if someone has a crush on you, you’ve already got the script — you just need to read between the lines.

Need advice on how to start a relationship? We’ve got a dedicated page for that — check out the link.

FAQ

How do guys act when they have a crush?

When a guy has a crush on you, how he’ll act depends on his personality. Bolder guys may shower you with compliments and get up close and personal. A more reserved guy may act protective, try to impress you, or seem a bit nervous around you.

What are the symptoms of a crush?

The symptoms of a crush include “butterflies in the stomach,” increased heart rate, thinking about the person constantly, and feeling giddy when you’re around them.

Can you sense when someone has a crush on you?

You can sense when someone has a crush on you by paying attention to their body language and actions. Look for increased attention and subtle changes to their behavior when around you, such as casual touching, eye contact, and flirtatious teasing.

References

1. Apostolou, M., & Christoforou, C. (2020). The art of flirting: What are the traits that make it effective? Personality and Individual Differences, 158, 109866.
https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2020.109866

2. Montoya, R. M., Kershaw, C., & Prosser, J. L. (2018). A meta-analytic investigation of the relation between interpersonal attraction and enacted behavior. Psychological Bulletin, 144(7), 673.
https://psycnet.apa.org/buy/2018-20764-001

3. Sprecher, S., Felmlee, D., Metts, S., & Cupach, W. (2015). Relationship initiation and development. In M. Mikulincer, P. R. Shaver, J. A. Simpson, & J. F. Dovidio (Eds.), APA handbook of personality and social psychology, Vol. 3. Interpersonal relations (pp. 211–245). American Psychological Association.
https://psycnet.apa.org/doi/10.1037/14344-008

4. Deutsch, F. M., LeBaron, D., & Fryer, M. M. (1987). What is in a smile? Psychology of Women Quarterly, 11(3), 341–352.
https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1471-6402.1987.tb00908.x

5. Shuper Engelhard, E. (2019). Embodying the couple relationship: kinesthetic empathy and somatic mirroring in couples therapy. Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy, 18(2), 126–147.
https://doi.org/10.1080/15332691.2018.1481801

6. Hall, J. A., & Xing, C. (2015). The verbal and nonverbal correlates of the five flirting styles. Journal of Nonverbal Behavior, 39, 41–68.
https://doi.org/10.1007/s10919-014-0199-8

New romance is all about the thrill: fancy date nights, flowers at work, getting swept off your feet. 

However, it’s important that you don’t shy away from the tough stuff. Asking tough relationship questions can help deepen your relationship and set a solid foundation for the future.

Tough Questions to Ask Your Partner

• What are your favorite memories from our time together? What are your favorite memories from our time together?
• What small things do I do that make you feel loved and appreciated? What small things do I do that make you feel loved and appreciated?
• How can we make our daily routine more enjoyable for both of us? How can we make our daily routine more enjoyable for both of us?
• What activities or hobbies would you wish we did together? What activities or hobbies would you wish we did together?
• How do you envision our future together? How do you envision our future together?
• What are your biggest fears about our relationship? What are your biggest fears about our relationship?
• Are there any habits or behaviors of mine that bother you but you haven’t mentioned? Are there any habits or behaviors of mine that bother you but you haven’t mentioned?
• How do you feel we handle conflicts, and what could we do better? How do you feel we handle conflicts, and what could we do better?
• Is there anything you miss about how our relationship used to be? Is there anything you miss about how our relationship used to be?
• What are your dreams and goals for our future together? What are your dreams and goals for our future together?

These questions may be tough for your partner to answer — and the answers hard for you to hear — but these questions are necessary for growth. 

But before you jump head first off the deep end, it’s okay to start with some lighter, more approachable questions to ease into the conversation and build a comfortable atmosphere.

Comfortable space activated? Great! It’s time to peel off that Band-Aid and move on to deeper questions that are designed to help you and your partner connect on a more profound level.

Important Hard Questions to Ask Your Partner

• Do you feel like we spend enough quality time together? Do you feel like we spend enough quality time together?
• How do you really feel about our sex life? How do you really feel about our sex life?
• Are you truly happy with the way we share responsibilities? Are you truly happy with the way we share responsibilities?
• Have you ever felt tempted to cheat on me? Have you ever felt tempted to cheat on me?
• Do you feel supported in your personal goals and ambitions? Do you feel supported in your personal goals and ambitions?
• What are your expectations for our relationship in the next five years? What are your expectations for our relationship in the next five years?
• Do you feel emotionally fulfilled in our relationship? Do you feel emotionally fulfilled in our relationship?
• Is there anything you've been hesitant to discuss with me? Is there anything you've been hesitant to discuss with me?
• How do you feel about our financial situation and how we handle money? How do you feel about our financial situation and how we handle money?
• What do you think is the biggest source of tension in our relationship? What do you think is the biggest source of tension in our relationship?

As relationships age — much like your favorite bottle of red — maintaining a fulfilling bond requires effort, and a whole lot of open and honest communication as the cherry on top. You’ve got multiple shoes to fill — maybe you’re a modern-day boss babe advancing your career, maintaining friendships, and taking care of your well-being. 

Effective communication early on may save you from additional heartache later. Consider these tough questions to ensure transparency and build a stronger connection. As these questions get harder, remember this is not about creating a divide. It’s about building intimacy.

A 2012 study published in the International Journal of Psychological Studies argues that intimacy is “an imperative means by which to create meaningful and satisfactory bonds between individuals” that lead “to an array of positive outcomes.”

In fact, the study’s authors, Dandurand and Lafontaine, report an “established link between romantic intimacy and couple satisfaction.”^[1]

So buckle up and uncover hidden feelings, resolve any underlying issues, and hopefully come to a meeting place where you and your partner both feel the effects of an intimate emotional connection. 

Hard-Hitting Questions to Ask Your Partner

• What are some things you think we don't talk about enough? What are some things you think we don't talk about enough?
• Have you ever felt like giving up on our relationship? Have you ever felt like giving up on our relationship?
• What do you think is the biggest obstacle in our relationship right now? What do you think is the biggest obstacle in our relationship right now?
• Is there something you're not being completely honest about with me? Is there something you're not being completely honest about with me?
• How do you feel about the balance of power in our relationship? How do you feel about the balance of power in our relationship?
• What is the most difficult thing you've had to forgive me for? What is the most difficult thing you've had to forgive me for?
• Do you feel that I listen to you when you express your concerns? Do you feel that I listen to you when you express your concerns?
• How do you cope with the stresses that our relationship brings? How do you cope with the stresses that our relationship brings?
• What boundaries do you think we need to establish or reinforce? What boundaries do you think we need to establish or reinforce?
• Do you feel respected in our relationship, and how can we improve in that area? Do you feel respected in our relationship, and how can we improve in that area?

The start of a new romance is often filled with excitement and joy, but this initial thrill is just the beginning. Sometimes, asking the hardest questions is necessary to uncover truths and foster deeper understanding. 

These questions can be pivotal in addressing underlying issues and reinforcing your relationship.

Questions to Ask Your Partner That Expose Vulnerabilities

• What are some of your deepest insecurities? What are some of your deepest insecurities?
• How do you feel when we’re apart for a long time? How do you feel when we’re apart for a long time?
• What’s something you’ve always wanted to tell me but never have? What’s something you’ve always wanted to tell me but never have?
• How do you feel about the way we handle each other's emotions? How do you feel about the way we handle each other's emotions?
• What do you need from me to feel more secure in our relationship? What do you need from me to feel more secure in our relationship?
• What fears do you have about our relationship or our future? What fears do you have about our relationship or our future?
• How do you feel about the way we communicate during tough times? How do you feel about the way we communicate during tough times?
• Are there past experiences that still affect how you view our relationship? Are there past experiences that still affect how you view our relationship?
• What are the biggest sacrifices you feel you've made for our relationship? What are the biggest sacrifices you feel you've made for our relationship?
• What do you worry about the most when it comes to us? What do you worry about the most when it comes to us?

To maintain a deep connection, it’s essential to embrace honesty and vulnerability. These questions can help both you and your partner open up, resolve issues, and grow together. Don’t shy away from vulnerability, no matter how scary.

In 2022, the Cyprus Turkish Journal of Psychiatry & Psychology published an article exploring the role of vulnerability in romantic relationships. 

It reported that allowing yourself and your partner to be vulnerable helps you both channel your “emotions constructively and have either difficult or easy conversations . . . without the fear of being judged or influencing the relationship in any negative form.”^[2]

Such conversations are key to building a lasting relationship, and asking questions is a simple, straightforward way to get there. 

Questions to Ask Your Partner During Hard Times

• What do you think is the root cause of our current struggles? What do you think is the root cause of our current struggles?
• How can we better support each other during tough times? How can we better support each other during tough times?
• What changes would you like to see in our relationship? What changes would you like to see in our relationship?
• How can we improve our communication when we’re both stressed? How can we improve our communication when we’re both stressed?
• What are some ways we can reconnect and strengthen our bond? What are some ways we can reconnect and strengthen our bond?
• Do you feel like we're growing together or apart? Do you feel like we're growing together or apart?
• What are some of the things you're most grateful for in our relationship, despite the hard times? What are some of the things you're most grateful for in our relationship, despite the hard times?
• How do you think we can avoid repeating past mistakes? How do you think we can avoid repeating past mistakes?
• What can I do to help ease the burdens you're feeling right now? What can I do to help ease the burdens you're feeling right now?
• How can we rebuild trust and intimacy after a difficult period? How can we rebuild trust and intimacy after a difficult period?

Effective communication is vital to overcoming struggles and reconnecting during times of conflict. The worst thing you can do is avoid the problems. 

Bodenmann et al. describe in Personal Relationships^[3] the worst two communication styles for managing relationship conflict as avoidance and demand/withdrawal (in which one partner makes demands and the other withdraws). They report, “both interaction styles were found to be dysfunctional and were correlated with lower relationship satisfaction.”

The solution is to meet challenges head-on. These questions can guide you through such periods, helping you rebuild trust and strengthen your bond.

Conclusion

Sometimes in life the toughest moments reap the most rewards, and these tough relationship questions are no different. In fact, these tough relationship questions are a powerful tool in improving understanding and resolving issues embedded in your relationship. 

Remember, this is all about building balance in your relationship, not conflict. So, take a leap. Grab your partner and a bottle of wine and see where the process takes you.

Looking for advice and tips about being in a relationship? Check out the link!

References

1. Dandurand, C., & Lafontaine, M. F. (2013). Intimacy and couple satisfaction: The moderating role of romantic attachment. International Journal of Psychological Studies, 5(1), 74. https://doi.org/10.5539/ijps.v5n1p74 ︎
2. Bakshi, A., & Ansari, S. A. (2022). The key role of vulnerability in developing authentic connections in romantic relationships. Cyprus Turkish Journal of Psychiatry & Psychology, 4(1), 103f–109. https://doi.org/10.35365/ctjpp.22.1.11  ︎
3. Bodenmann, G., Kaiser, A., Hahlweg, K., & Fehm‐Wolfsdorf, G. (1998). Communication patterns during marital conflict: A cross‐cultural replication. Personal Relationships, 5(3), 343–356.
   https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1475-6811.1998.tb00176.x ︎

Dating after 30 often means juggling more roles than a Shakespearean actor. We’ve got advanced careers and we’ve also got to keep ourselves healthy, maintain a social life, stay hydrated . . . Who’s got time for a partner?

The juggle is real. The key is to recognize when to give and when to take. It’s a delicate dance — without sequins and choreography, sadly.

You can maintain equilibrium without losing your sanity (or your sense of humor). Keep reading to learn how to balance relationship and work.

1. Set clear boundaries between work and personal life

Boundary setting can be very challenging, but it’s critical to establish boundaries early on in both work and life. Communicate your boundaries clearly and kindly. Your boss isn’t a mind reader and neither is your partner.

It could be as simple as declining to read a late-night work email or passing on date night because you need to wind down from a stressful workweek with the latest Golden Bachelor episode and a pint of your favorite flavor.

Research by Matthews et al., published in the Journal of Occupational Health Psychology, stresses that strong boundaries between work and personal life lead to better work-life balance and reduced stress.^[1]

 Whether you lean toward segmentation (keeping work and life separate) or integration (blending them), the key is to find what works best for you and stick to it.

2. Prioritize time with your partner

Putting regular date nights on the calendar is essential, but here’s the more challenging part — sticking to them. Trust me, your relationship will thank you. 

Especially among working couples, a lack of quality time and an emphasis on productivity can make you feel lonely in your relationship. Quality time is the antidote.

Quality time is about being fully present and engaged. Plan activities that both you and your partner enjoy, whether it’s a fancy dinner out, a cozy movie night in, or a fun new hobby you can explore together. The key is to create moments where you can connect and recharge. 

These dedicated times for each other help keep your relationship strong and resilient. In fact, research published in Contemporary Family Therapy indicates that spending time talking and engaging in shared activities significantly enhances relationship satisfaction and closeness​.^[2] 

Date nights don’t have to be extravagant. A simple evening walk, a home-cooked meal, or even a shared activity like a dance class can work wonders. The goal is to ensure that you feel valued and connected. 

3. Spend your time wisely 

To balance work and personal life, you must allow adequate time and energy for both. Your professional responsibilities and personal pursuits, relationships and self-care activities are all equally important to your well-being. 

Time management is the key to this give-and-take. However, to effectively manage your time requires a paradigm shift away from squeezing it all in until you’re dead. Rather, rank your priorities. Stop trying to do everything.

In the book The Time Trap, authors Mackenzie and Nickerson report, “The habit of ‘attempting too much’ may escape our notice because expectations have grown so unreasonable.”^[3]

What are the expectations you have for yourself at work? What are your relationship expectations? Anything that doesn’t make the list isn’t a priority. You’ve got to find harmony amidst the chaos.

If cutting things out isn’t for you, try time-blocking your schedule. Allocate specific periods for work tasks, personal activities, and relaxation. This method helps ensure you dedicate focused time to each aspect of your life without overlap, reducing stress and increasing productivity.

4. Communicate openly and honestly with your partner

Communication is the cornerstone of balancing work and relationships. Instead of expecting your partner to just intuit that you’re stressed at work and can’t fit in another mind-numbing dinner with their boomer parents, tell them. Don’t get mad at the invitation.

Be open about your needs and listen to your partner’s as well. 

Marshall Rosenberg, author of Nonviolent Communication, states, “All criticism, attack, insults, and judgments vanish when we focus attention on hearing the feelings and needs behind a message.”^[4]

This goes for your boss and colleagues too. Clear, honest communication can prevent misunderstandings and ensure everyone’s on the same page. Remember, your boss isn’t a mind reader, and neither is your partner. 

5. Make time for self-care and stress management

If you’ve ever flown, you know you’ve got to put on your own oxygen mask before helping others. Make sure you’re carving out time for self-care amidst the chaos. 

Whether it’s a yoga class, a good book, or a night out with friends, taking care of yourself is essential for maintaining balance. 

According to Jeff and André Shinabarger, authors of Love or Work: Is It Possible to Change the World, Stay in Love, and Raise a Healthy Family? maintaining personal well-being is crucial for sustaining healthy relationships and achieving work-life balance, as emphasized in their research on working couples.^[5]

Research shows that couples who prioritize self-care and personal growth are happier​​. The Journal of Happiness Studies reports that when each partner’s well-being is at its highest, they can thrive together.^[6]

6. Support each other’s goals and aspirations

Be each other’s biggest cheerleader! Emotional and practical support are both crucial for a thriving relationship. Cheer them on, lend an ear, and reassure them during tough times. 

Practical support can involve giving advice, helping with chores, providing tangible assistance, or just being a listening and empathetic ear. 

If you’ve got a big project at work, your time is going to be stretched more in that direction. Let your partner know your lack of attention is not on them, that you’re just in the middle of crunch time. 

And if there’s an important relationship milestone, don’t be afraid to ask for a little slack at work. 

It’s important to avoid negative support, such as being pushy or controlling, which can undermine your partner’s self-confidence. Instead, focus on fostering autonomy and mutual respect to help each other achieve personal and shared goals effectively​.

Shinabarger and Shinabarger suggest creating a bucket list with your partner.^[7]

By creating a list of goals and dreams, you can communicate toward something together and give yourself things to look forward to, and this can even work interchangeably with those work goals you hope to crush, too!

7. Be fully present and engaged when together

Multitasking is not the goddess-like skill popular culture would have you believe. In fact, multitasking can lead to deficiencies in more than one area. 

Time Magazine reports, “When people try to perform two or more . . . tasks either at the same time or alternating rapidly between them, errors go way up, and it takes far longer — often double the time or more — to get the jobs done than if they were done sequentially.”^[8]

So, when you’re with your partner, focus on being truly present. This means putting away distractions, such as your phone or work-related thoughts, and giving your full attention to the moment. 

Engage in meaningful conversations, listen actively, and show that you value the time you’re spending together. This undivided attention fosters a deeper connection and helps you both feel more fulfilled and appreciated in the relationship. 

The same goes for your job — when you’re working, focus fully on the task at hand. This not only boosts your productivity but also allows you to enjoy your personal time without the lingering stress of unfinished work.

So, whether it’s enjoying a meal together, watching a favorite show, or just having a heartfelt conversation, make those moments count. A more present and less frazzled you will bring out the best in both your professional and personal life.

8. Regularly assess and adjust your work-life balance

Sometimes the craziness of work or relationships will sweep us up in a whirlwind that has us on autopilot until the whole thing comes crashing down.

That’s why it’s important to take a step back occasionally and assess how it’s going. Recalibration is okay, normal, a fact of life. But how can you identify if this step is necessary?

Here are a few signs you might need to recalibrate:

• You’re constantly stressed and overwhelmed
• Your partner feels neglected
• Your work performance is slipping
• You can’t remember the last time you did something just for fun
• You’re not sleeping well

Conclusion

You’re doing an amazing job, Boss Babe. Balancing work and a relationship is no small feat, but with a little effort and a lot of heart, you’ve got this!

Acknowledge the hard work you put into both your career and your personal life. Celebrate your successes, no matter how small, and be kind to yourself when things don’t go perfectly.

Interested in knowing more topics about starting a relationship? Check out our page here.

FAQ’s

Can career and relationships go together?

Yes, a career and relationships go together like champagne and orange juice. By setting clear boundaries, managing time effectively, and ensuring open and honest dialogue with your partner, you can thrive in both aspects of life.

Does being in a relationship impact your career?

Being in a relationship can impact your career in various ways. A supportive partner can provide encouragement and help you manage stress, positively influencing your career. Conversely, relationship challenges can create distractions and stress, potentially affecting job performance.

How do you balance a busy schedule and a relationship?

Balancing a busy schedule and a relationship requires practical strategies. Communicating openly with your partner, setting expectations, and understanding each other’s needs are crucial. Establish clear boundaries between work and personal time, be realistic about your commitments, and plan regular check-ins to maintain a healthy balance.

References

1. Matthews, R. A., Barnes-Farrell, J. L., & Bulger, C. A. (2010). Work and personal life boundary management: Boundary strength, work/personal life balance, and the segmentation-integration continuum. Journal of Occupational Health Psychology, 15(4), 448–458.
https://doi.org/10.1037/1076-8998.12.4.365

2. Hogan, J. N., Crenshaw, A. O., Baucom, K. J. W., & Baucom, B. R. W. (2022). Time spent together in intimate relationships: Implications for relationship functioning. Journal of Family Psychology, 36(1), 122–134.
https://doi.org/10.1007%2Fs10591-020-09562-6

3. Mackenzie, A, & Nickerson, P. (2009). The time trap (4th ed.). Amacom.
https://eefam.gr/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/The-Time-Trap25032015.pdf

4. Rosenberg, M. B. (2003). Nonviolent communication: A language of life. PuddleDancer Press.

5. Shinabarger, A., & Shinabarger, J. (2020). Love or work: Is it possible to change the world, stay in love, and raise a healthy family? HarperCollins.

6. Anderson, B. K., Meyer, J. P., Vaters, C., & Espinoza, J. A. (2020). Measuring Personal Growth and Development in Context: Evidence of Validity in Educational and Work Settings. Journal of Happiness Studies 21, 2141–2167.
https://doi.org/10.1007/s10902-019-00176-w

7. Shinabarger, A., & Shinabarger, J. (2020). Love or work: Is it possible to change the world, stay in love, and raise a healthy family? HarperCollins. 

8. Wallis, C. (2006). The multitasking generation. Time Magazine, 167(13), 48–55.

9. Cohen, S., Janicki-Deverts, D., & Miller, G. E. (2007). Psychological stress and disease. Jama, 298(14), 1685–1687.
https://doi.org/10.1001/jama.298.14.1685

10. Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T. B., & Layton, J. B. (2010). Social relationships and mortality risk: A meta-analytic review. PLOS Medicine, 7(7), e1000316.
https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pmed.1000316

11. Davoudi, S., Shaw, K., Haider, L. J., Quinlan, A. E., Peterson, G. D., Wilkinson, C., … & Davoudi, S. (2012). Resilience: A bridging concept or a dead end? Planning Theory & Practice, 13(2), 299–333.
https://doi.org/10.1080/14649357.2012.677124