You’ve just met someone special who makes your cheeks blush, your heart race, and the world seem brighter. 

Ah, to be freshly in love. There’s nothing quite like it!

But if you want it to work out, you’ve got to balance those relationship rights and responsibilities. If you do that, you’re golden.

In any healthy relationship — be it with a BFF, parent, or significant other — it’s all about striking a fair balance of rights and responsibilities. It’s only by fulfilling these that both parties can find happiness and satisfaction.

Let’s start with the basics!

Key Takeaways

• Healthy relationships are a fair balance of rights and responsibilities: Understanding both your rights and responsibilities is crucial for healthy connections.
• Respect is nonnegotiable in a relationship: Everyone deserves respect and safety and to have their boundaries honored.
• Communication is a must: Openly expressing your needs and sharing your feelings is vital for building trust and resolving conflict in a relationship.
• Responsibility fosters growth: Taking responsibility for your part in a relationship allows for mutual growth and creates stronger bonds.

What Are Rights and Responsibilities in a Relationship?

A healthy relationship is everyone’s right, but it’s also a huge responsibility for everyone involved. You can’t just take and take and take and expect the other side to be happy with that arrangement.

It’s give-and-take in healthy relationships. At least it should be.

First of all, you’ve got to know your rights in relationships.

Your right, above all, is to be safe and respected. But you also have the right to your own identity, without anyone making you feel guilty about it or breaking your personal boundaries.

But just like you have certain rights, the other side also has theirs. This is where your responsibilities kick in.

Essentially, you have the responsibility to respect your partner’s rights. It’s up to you — and your partner — to cultivate a healthy relationship dynamic, which requires fulfilling certain important responsibilities.

Striking a fair balance between these rights and responsibilities is key to a healthy relationship.

You know how they say relationships are hard work? Yap, this is what they’re referring to.

Yes, you give a lot, but you also receive a lot in return!

Why Are Rights and Responsibilities Important in Maintaining Healthy Relationships?

Maintaining rights and responsibilities is important for healthy relationships because when you don’t nurture such aspects properly, you end up in a downward spiral of resentment, codependency, and distrust.

But when you maintain your rights and fulfill your responsibilities, the sky’s the limit.

Consequences of poorly maintained rights and responsibilities

If you don’t want your life to start looking like a teen drama on the CW, you need to acknowledge and balance your rights and responsibilities.

I’ve learned this the hard way. Being with someone who couldn’t care less about you will do that for you.

Relationships in which one or both partners fail to respect rights and responsibilities risk a cocktail of dysfunction. In most cases, the relationship will end and you’ll move on, but others can lead to something much worse. 

Resentment, anger, and, sometimes, even abuse.

According to psychologist and author Dr. Steven Stosny, these three are killers of love.

In his book You Don’t Have to Take It Anymore, he says, “Not surprisingly, all three demons — resentment, anger, and abuse — damage the bonds of love in the same way, for all three feel like betrayal. All are a betrayal of the implicit promise your loved one made you when you formed your emotional bonds.”^[1] 

Look out for these signs that your rights and responsibilities are not being properly maintained:

• Feelings of self-doubt and lack of self-worth
• Hurt and disappointment
• Codependency, or feeling responsible for the emotions and behavior of others
• Resentment
• Lack of trust
• Toxicity

It’s difficult for a relationship to recover from such consequences. If it were easy, couples therapy wouldn’t be such a lucrative field.

Benefits of well-maintained rights and responsibilities

So, what happens when you both fulfill your responsibilities and respect each other’s rights?

That’s when you thrive! 

When you give each other mutual respect, trust, and space to be authentic, you create emotional security.

Take Bert and Ernie from Sesame Street for example. Bert might find Ernie’s antics frustrating, but at the end of the day Bert appreciates Ernie’s carefree attitude. And Ernie never once disses Bert’s love for pigeons. He may be a rubber duck man, but he respects Bert’s right to vibe with pigeons.

This type of mutual acceptance allows for mutual growth and development.

As for their responsibilities, they each have their strengths. Bert is the old faithful, a reliable fellow that Ernie can always count on. And Ernie? Well, he’s caring and empathetic. Equally important qualities.

In a 2013 issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Luchies et al. describe how important mutual trust is in a relationship. According to them, “Trust is the expectation that a partner can be relied upon to be responsive to one’s needs and to promote one’s best interests, both now and in the future.”^[2]

The authors go on to explain that those with high trust in their partners are more likely to forgive past transgressions than those with low trust. 

This type of “blind faith” helps forge a bond between partners.

Your bond grows stronger and stronger because you truly feel like you’re in it together and not against each other. 

Thus, the end result of maintaining rights and responsibilities in a relationship is a happy, healthy, long-lasting relationship.

Rights in a Relationship

In an ideal world, there would be some kind of manual on relationships given out to everyone. That would solve a lot of us a lot of trouble, am I right?

But yeah, we’re not living in an ideal world, so for now, articles like this will have to do.

One special chapter in this mythical book would be dedicated to a person’s rights in a relationship.

You need to understand your rights if you want to maintain a healthy connection. Here’s what you shouldn’t settle on:

The right to be treated with respect

According to research team Hendrick, Hendrick and Zacchilli in a 2011 article from Acta de Investigación Psicológica at the National Autonomous University of Mexico, “Respect is an important aspect of human relating, both in intimate, personal relationships and in more formal role relationships, where respect is part of interpersonal civility. In fact, it is implicitly tied to nearly all relationships (e.g., partner, family, friends).”^[3]

You deserve to be respected and treated as an equal in any relationship. This means you should be free to openly express your feelings, opinions, and personal boundaries without fear of judgment.

For example, if you’re trying to communicate your feelings of hurt, your partner should respect them and hear them out without dismissing you.

They should validate your feelings and show empathy (Ernie would).In a separate article in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, Hendrick and Hendrick describe respect as both positive attitudes about a partner and behavior that reflects those positive attitudes.^[4]

The right to safety

Let’s not forget one important basic human right that you should have in all your relationships: your right to safety.

Any kind of name-calling, belittling, or similar toxic behavior is abuse and has no place in a healthy relationship.

There are three types of abuse in relationships: physical, sexual, and emotional.

As Dr. Vera E. Mouradian explains in her research Abuse in Intimate Relationships: Defining the Multiple Dimensions and Terms, 

It is frequently the case that two or more types of abuse are present in the same relationship. Emotional abuse often precedes, occurs with, and/or follows physical or sexual abuse in relationships. Sexual and non-sexual physical abuse also co-occur in many abusive relationships, and, as with emotional abuse, sexual and non-sexual abuse often are combined elements of a single abusive incident.^[5] 

So, it’s important to always be on the lookout for early warning signs in relationships. 

That gut feeling telling you to stay away? Listen to it.

That anxious feeling telling you something isn’t right? Trust it.

Those signals are your body’s way of telling you that something may be wrong in your relationship.

In The Predictive Validity of Intimate Partner Violence Warning Signs, authors Charlot, Joel, and Campbell, list some of the warning signs that predict abuse:

• A partner acting arrogant and entitled
• Disagreements about something sexual
• Being forced to have sex even when you don’t feel like it
• Uncomfortable public situations
• Partner reacting negatively when you said no to something they wanted^[6]

Remember, you deserve to feel valued, respected, and, most importantly, safe!

The right to self-expression

When you’re free to be your true authentic self, that’s when you’re your best self.

So, you shouldn’t let anyone, not even your loved ones, dim your light. You want people in your life to see you for who you are and allow you to be your authentic self.

Your quirks, your deepest passions, your goals — these are the things that make you who you are.

In the wise words of Taylor Swift, your individuality should be celebrated, not tolerated.^[7]

Never settle for anyone who stifles your right to self-expression. Be bold, be brave, and stay true to yourself.

The right to have your own space

If you want to be in a meaningful relationship that doesn’t suffocate you but makes you thrive, you need to nurture your identity and set your personal boundaries.

As Anne Katherine, author of the book Boundaries, says, “Good boundaries enable us to define ourselves. They enhance our physical and emotional health and promote recovery. Good boundaries yield healthy relationships. True intimacy is possible only between two whole distinct people who have good boundaries.”^[8]

Yes, your life comes first. This doesn’t mean you’re selfish. It means you love yourself.

You can’t pour from an empty cup, right?

Well, in practice, that means you need to have your own space and freedom to pursue your dreams.

So, allow yourself (and your partner) to pursue your individual interests and activities. Maintain your close friendships. Prioritize your me time.

These things may sound trivial but are fundamental to a strong and fulfilling relationship.

The right to say “NO”

I can’t stress this enough: You have every right to say “no” to anything that doesn’t sit right with you in a relationship.

Your personal boundaries are nonnegotiable!

Whether it’s a date night idea or an intimate activity that doesn’t feel right, you should never feel pressured to go along with it.

In her book The Best Part of My Day Healing Journal, author Sharon E. Rainey explains, “No is a complete sentence. It does not require an explanation to follow. You can truly answer someone’s request with a simple No.”^[9]

Your well-being and mental health come first, no questions asked!

Responsibilities in a Relationship

Put simply, your responsibilities are to acknowledge and honor your partner’s rights.

According to Dr. Michael D’Antonio, a specialist in relationship responsibility with the Council for Relationships, a research nonprofit, “Each of us is required to be 100% responsive to others, that is, to hear them out, take them seriously, and respond with equanimity, taking them, ourselves, and the circumstances into account.”^[10]

Knowing your rights is important, but it’s equally vital to honor your responsibilities in a relationship so you can create a stable and positive dynamic. 

So, let’s go through some of the most important obligations in a relationship:

Responsibility to respect others

Treat others with the same level of respect you expect for yourself. Yes, it’s that simple. 

Just as you have every right to be respected, you also need to respect others you care about, whether that’s your partner or your bestie.

You show respect by actively listening and hearing the other person’s perspective. Do your best to understand their viewpoint, even if you don’t agree.

You don’t necessarily have to agree on everything — nor should you — but you have to respect their experience and honor their boundaries.

Honoring their boundaries includes respecting their physical autonomy. We are all responsible for respecting the safety and wellness of our partners.

Responsibility to communicate clearly

There’s a good reason they say open communication is the foundation of a healthy relationship.

I mean, nobody is a mind-reader, right? So, the only chance we have is to learn to communicate clearly with each other.

According to Dr. Angela R. Wiley, a family life specialist and professor at the University of Illinois, there are many elements of healthy communication.

In an article published in the journal The Forum, she summarizes the most effective strategies for communicating as a couple:

• “Keep it clear”: Emotional responses in relationships don’t always need to be direct, but they should still maintain the emotional connection between partners
• “Keep it soft”: Partners who communicate “softly” and gently without aggression are more likely to have positive outcomes in relationships
• “Keep it safe”: Positive interactions that validate feelings, soothe, and avoid judgment create a safe emotional environment where intimacy can flourish.
• “Keep it positive”: Positive emotional interactions, especially during conflicts, predict happy and stable relationships, fostering cooperative resolution and mutual support.^[11]

If you want to build a thriving relationship, you need to be open and express your feelings constructively and directly.

Yes, conflict is not pleasant, but staying silent on the things that bother you will leave a huge rift in your relationship, and you’ll regret it later.

So, make sure you learn to talk things out without any accusations or manipulation. With time, it will come naturally to you, and it won’t feel like a responsibility but a normal part of your dynamic.

Responsibility to be supportive

Let’s face it: Having someone who’s got your back through thick and thin is the DREAM. 

It’s even healthy for you!

As Brant R. Burleson, professor of communication at Purdue University, shared in his research in the journal Personal Relationships, those with supportive social networks have better physical health than those with unsupportive networks.^[12]

So, if you have a supportive relationship for yourself, it’s time to step up and be that rock for your loved ones.

Celebrate their wins. Cry at their losses. Recognize when they’re having a hard time and show up for them.

It will help them get unstuck, move past tough times, and climb any mountain (sometimes quite literally).

Nothing feels better than having your own cheerleader, so be that person for your person!

Responsibility to work through conflict

When you care about someone and you want your relationship to work, you compromise.

Now, I know that may sound like a different word for “sacrifice,” but let’s not be dramatic.

It’s not about giving up what matters to you. And it’s not about sacrificing your own identity to make someone else happy.

It’s actually about finding solutions TOGETHER. This is the keyword, ladies! You’re in this together.

If you want a happy relationship, you need to be ready to admit when you’re wrong and apologize when it’s needed. 

I know. I hate apologizing too. But try to avoid “I’m sorry if . . .” It takes the onus off of you and puts it on your partner. It’s the opposite of helpful.

Conclusion

At the end of the day, your relationship should be your happy place. It should feel like coming home. 

Fostering meaningful connections has even been shown to improve your overall health. According to Gitnux’s Marketdata Report 2024, individuals in a healthy relationship exhibit 35% fewer health complaints.^[13]

But for that to happen, you need to be ready to put in some work. Fulfill your responsibilities and respect your partner’s rights. It’s a two-way street, after all!

If you need support along the way, don’t hesitate to ask for professional help! Talk to a therapist or join a support group that will give you the tools and encouragement you need to build healthy and genuine relationships. 

If you want to read more about topics about being in a relationship check out our page here.

FAQ Section

What are the human rights in a relationship?

The human rights in a relationship are respect and personal boundaries. You deserve to be respected and regarded as an equal. You have the right to feel safe and secure without anyone disregarding your boundaries or diminishing your worth. You have the right to be your true, authentic self without fear of judgment.

What are 5 responsibilities in a relationship?

The five responsibilities in a relationship are respect, communication, support, conflict resolution, and safety. To thrive, a relationship requires mutual sharing of responsibilities.

How do you show responsibility in your relationships?

You show responsibility in your relationship by treating your partner with respect, support, and trust. Examples of showing responsibility include honoring your partner’s perspective even if you don’t agree, actively listening to their concerns, and showing support during challenging times.

Who has more responsibility in a relationship?

No one person has more responsibility in a relationship; both parties should have equal responsibility. While every relationship is unique, with its own dynamics and needs, every relationship requires balance.

References

1. Stosny, S. (2006). You don’t have to take it anymore: Turn your resentful, angry, or emotionally abusive relationship into a compassionate, loving one. Atria Books.

2. Luchies, L. B., Wieselquist, J., Rusbult, C. E., Kumashiro, M., Eastwick, P. W., Coolsen, M. K., & Finkel, E. J. (2013). Trust and biased memory of transgressions in romantic relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 104(4), 673–694.
https://doi.org/10.1037/a0031054

3. Hendrick, C., Hendrick, S. S., & Zacchilli, T. L. (2011). Respect and love in romantic relationships. Acta de Investigación Psicológica, 1(2), 316–329.

4. Hendrick, S. S., & Hendrick, C. (2006). Measuring respect in close relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 23(6), 881–899.
https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407506070471

5. Mouradian, V. E. (2000). Abuse in intimate relationships: Defining the multiple dimensions and terms. National Violence Against Women Prevention Research Center, Wellesley Centers for Women: Wellesley College.
https://mainweb-v.musc.edu/vawprevention/research/defining.shtml 

6. Charlot, N., Joel, S., & Campbell, L. (2023). The Predictive Validity of Intimate Partner Violence Warning Signs. Social Psychological and Personality Science.
https://doi.org/10.1177/19485506231209076

7. Swift, T. (2020). Tolerate it [Song]. On Evermore [Album]. Republic.

8. Katherine, A. (1993). Boundaries: Where you and I begin. Touchstone.

9. Rainey, Sharon E. (2016). The best part of my day: A healing journal for chronically ill patients. Pinctada Publishing.

10. D’Antonio, M. (2023, May 3). Relationship responsibility. Council for Relationships.
https://councilforrelationships.org/relationship-responsibility/

11. Wiley, A. R. (2007). Connecting as a couple: Communication skills for healthy relationships. The Forum for Family and Consumer Issues, 12(1).
https://www.theforumjournal.org/2007/03/03/connecting-as-a-couple-communication-skills-for-healthy-relationships/ 

12. Burleson, Brant R. (2003). The experience and effects of emotional support: What the study of cultural and gender differences can tell us about close relationships, emotion, and interpersonal communication. Personal Relationships, 10(1), 1–23.
https://doi.org/10.1111/1475-6811.00033

13. Liddner, J. (2023, December 20). Healthy relationship statistics [fresh research]. Gitnux.
https://gitnux.org/healthy-relationship-statistics/

Relationship values represent core principles and beliefs that shape how people interact and support each other. They are the glue that holds the relationship together, providing a solid basis for love and happiness.

In this guide, we’ll explore relationship values and help you build a love that lasts. Let’s dive in!

Key Takeaways:

• Shared values are foundational for a lasting relationship. These values serve as the glue that binds couples together and keeps them strong through thick and thin.
• Some of the core values in successful relationships are trust, honesty, respect, and effective communication.
• Recognizing differences and similarities in values early can help navigate potential conflicts. Addressing them with respect and understanding is key to maintaining harmony in a relationship.
• Every relationship is unique. It’s vital that you use your shared values to build a strong foundation so that you can confidently navigate life’s challenges together.

Relationship Values: The Basics 

In a relationship, it’s not always about agreeing on everything. What truly matters is understanding and prioritizing what you value most in life and in each other.

Here are some critical core values that can help you create a solid and long-lasting bond with your partner.

1. Trust and honesty

A study of how 33 African-American girls judge healthy relationships found that honesty was among the most important values in a relationship. One participant, a 17-year-old, said, “If you don’t have honesty in a relationship, then there is no relationship.”^[1]

I couldn’t agree more!

There’s a good reason honesty is considered a fundamental value in a relationship. 

When you trust your partner, and they trust you, you can be yourself. There’s no fear of getting betrayed, being judged, or taken for granted. 

You trust that they won’t hurt you.

You give them your heart and trust them that they will keep it safe. 

It’s the ultimate proof of love. 

Of course, it goes both ways. You’re honest with your partner, and you give them your trust too.

When you’ve got that kind of trust and honesty, my friend, you’ve got a relationship that’s built to last.

On the other hand, a lack of trust can create cracks in a relationship that widen over time. If not addressed, these cracks can lead to insecurity, jealousy, and a breakdown in communication.

According to research published in Social and Personality Psychology, trust is perhaps the most crucial factor in building and sustaining happy, healthy relationships. 

Authors Arikewuyo et al. explain that “lack of trust has also been associated with low emotional, physical, and other forms of sacrifice that may be needed for a successful relationship. This may result in a gradual or total reduction in intimacy or love.”^[2]

So, get your trust game strong and build your relationship on trust and honesty.

2. Respect and mutual understanding

Talking about relationship secret sauces, we can’t forget about the good old respect. 

According to authors Hendrick and Hendrick, who studied respect among couples at Texas Tech University, respect is one of the four factors that can build equality in a loving relationship, the others being personal identity, autonomy, and self-worth.^[3] 

Author Jennifer Hirsch, in her book A Courtship After Marriage, explains,

Respect also comes into play among equals: to demand respect is to assert equality . . . A marriage with space for multiple voices suggests a profoundly different concept of respect than the one implied by the notion that under no circumstances should women answer back to their husbands.^[4]

When you respect each other’s boundaries, opinions, and decisions, you show that you value each other as individuals. You accept each other for who you are with all your thoughts, feelings, and life experiences.

Mutual understanding and respect go hand in hand. They mean you can see things from your partner’s perspective and empathize with their feelings. 

And no, this doesn’t mean you have to agree with your partner about everything. It means you’re ready to make a genuine effort to understand where they’re coming from.

3. Emotional connection and support

Emotional connection is an essential ingredient for a healthy and loving relationship. It’s all well and good to say you need emotional connection, but how do you get an emotional connection? 

It’s all about intimacy. According to Robert Sternberg, who studied what it means to love someone at Yale University, intimacy “refers to feelings of closeness, connectedness, and bondedness in loving relationships. It thus includes within its purview those feelings that give rise, essentially, to the experience of warmth in a loving relationship.”^[5]

And, honestly, building intimacy is the best part of being in a new relationship!

You know what I’m talking about.

Those long night talks, pillow talks, and raw discussions — there’s nothing quite like it. They’re the best part of every new relationship. This is when you really get to the core of each other’s soul. 

Those endless talks are meant to develop your spark into a deep emotional connection, help you peel back the layers and reveal your true selves. It’s in these precise moments that you share your deepest feelings, thoughts, and vulnerabilities.

This is how you become each other’s biggest cheerleaders. When you’ve built intimacy with someone, emotional support comes naturally. 

And supporting each other through both good and challenging times is priceless.

4. Physical intimacy and affection

Physical intimacy — whether it’s getting cozy under the blanket or sharing a spontaneous kiss in the rain — is what keeps the connection alive in a relationship.

Every couple needs physical intimacy, including sexual and nonsexual affection. Those intimate moments help build your emotional bond and keep the spark alive. 

For his doctoral dissertation at Oklahoma State University, author Michael Talmadge Hill explains in his analysis of relationship satisfaction,

Physical affection allows us to connect with another person by showing our feelings for them. By touching another human being in a loving way, not only can we bridge the physical distance between two human beings, we can bridge the distance between hearts and souls.^[6]

It’s important not to neglect physical intimacy, even when life gets busy or overbearing. 

Indeed, a study of Australian men and women found that frequency of sex played a considerable role in the relationships of participants. In fact, those “who were dissatisfied with their frequency of sex were also more likely to express overall lower sexual and relationship satisfaction.”^[7]

So, make it a priority to show love through physical intimacy and affection. 

5. Shared beliefs and principles

When you share your partner’s moral code, you’re essentially speaking the same language. Family, career goals, or life priorities all help you build a shared future.

A study conducted at Utah State University found that individuals with two commonly shared values had higher marital satisfaction than those without closely shared values. It concluded that couples who share the same important values argue less and enjoy their marriage more.^[8]

When you share life goals, core beliefs, and moral principles with your significant other, you build a life of harmony and mutual respect, making your relationship a true partnership.

On the flip side, conflicting values can strain a relationship. When couples fundamentally disagree on important life aspects, such as religion or ethics, it becomes challenging to find common ground.

These differences can create frequent misunderstandings, conflict, and make it challenging to build a lasting, fulfilling relationship.

6. Effective communication

It’s a tale as old as time: Communication is truly the most fundamental value in a relationship.

Research into gender and communications at Trinity Western University indicates a clear link between communication quality and marriage success or discord.

Author Karen Westerop says, “Generally speaking, research indicates that increased levels of communication are associated with greater marital satisfaction, while communication deficits are associated with lower levels of marital satisfaction.”^[9]

It’s not just about asking, “Hey, how are ya?” in the morning. Real, raw, and open communication, this is what makes a strong relationship.

Effective communication involves listening actively.

I know it’s tempting to let your mind wander to TTPD lyrics when your SO is recounting the details of their day with mind-numbing detail, but fight the urge. Engage, ask questions, and read between the lines of what your partner is really trying to tell you.

Effective communication also means speaking up when something is bothering you instead of letting it fester into resentment. Try expressing yourself clearly, and be willing to compromise when necessary.

No games, no hidden agendas. 

When you broach topics that might involve conflict, be respectful and listen to what your partner has to say. Allow them to express their feelings without talking over them or shutting them down.

Sure, it takes guts, but trust me, it’s worth it. When you communicate openly and you’re honest, you build trust. It requires effort and vulnerability, but the reward is worth it — a loving and supportive relationship.

What Is a Value-Based Relationship?

A value-based relationship is the jackpot of all relationships. Both partners prioritize and align their actions with shared core values, like trust, respect, honesty, and commitment.

It’s not just saying, “Yes, I trust you and respect your personal space.” It’s actually trusting your partner even when things get challenging, which requires a good deal of vulnerability. 

But in a true value-based relationship, your partner gives you that same investment and commitment in return. You both have the freedom to grow individually while still nurturing the connection between you.

Given that a value-based relationship provides an ideal environment for both partners to thrive, you can imagine how challenges can arise in its absence.

Ross and Rachel’s roller coaster relationship really taught us that trust and commitment are essential for overcoming misunderstandings and challenges. (If you ask me, no, they were not on a break.)

When there are no clear, mutually agreed-upon values, misunderstandings are more likely to crop up. You might start second-guessing each other’s intentions or doubting motives, which can lead to conflict and overall dissatisfaction with the relationship.

If you want to set the stage for a loving and fulfilling relationship, make sur

How to Identify Shared Core Values in Your Relationship

Now that we’ve explored some of the fundamental relationship values, it’s time to get personal. 

Your relationship is just yours. You and your partner are unique individuals, so naturally, you will have your own set of shared core values.

Let’s help you identify what those are.

Reflect on your individual values

Start by reflecting on your own personal values and what matters most to you in life and relationships. You can’t know what to expect from a relationship or your partner if you don’t explore this.

Figure out what makes you tick. Is it family, ambition, or adventures?

If you plan to have kids someday, what values will you bring to your parenting? Do you want to raise your kids how you were raised, or deviate from your own upbringing?

What about finances? Are you more of a saver or a spender? Does your professional success matter to you in a way that might differ from your partner?

Perhaps volunteerism is important to you, and you want to build a life with someone who also donates time and energy to making the world a better place. 

Whatever it is, just jot down your values, and later, you can get your partner on board. Talk about your main principles in life and rank them by priority. 

This soul-searching can be a great way to build a solid foundation for your relationship.

Have an open and honest conversation with your partner

Set aside time for a meaningful distraction-free conversation with your partner. This is the time to get raw and personal, and it’s important that you both do it.

Share the list you previously created with each other and talk it through. Explain why each value means so much to you and how you live it in practice.

Be open and honest, but also make sure you really listen to your partner’s perspective. Use this chance to get to know them. 

Values can say so much about a person, so get ready to uncover some juicy insights.

Look for common themes and priorities

As you both share your values and perspectives, look for common themes and priorities. For example, do you have the same religious beliefs or at least overlapping ideas? 

Whatever your most important value in life is, identify overlapping areas or similarities if you want to build a cohesive relationship.

But also be open to adopting new values. If this person is important to you, and they love to travel but the idea makes you anxious, maybe it’s time to step out of your comfort zone and embrace a spirit of adventure.

Remember that it’s natural not to see eye-to-eye on everything, but finding common values can help you build a strong future together.

Discuss past experiences and future goals

Once you’ve identified your shared values, you can use them to understand each other’s backgrounds and outlooks.

Share stories about past experiences or moments that have shaped your values and beliefs and made you who you are today. Allow your partner to see the essence of who you are and look for similar glimpses of their past.

You can also use these stories to start working on your future together. 

Talk about how these shared values and goals will impact you as a couple. If family is one of your top priorities, you can make plans to prioritize or plan family gatherings more often. What a wonderful way to connect!

Be open to compromising and finding middle ground

Let’s not forget everyone’s favorite keyword for relationships: compromise. Yes, it is THAT important to make compromises in relationships because how often do you find someone who shares your values and is worth the compromise? 

So, if you find the one who makes it all worthwhile, be open to finding a compromise when necessary.

How do you do it, you wonder? Well, it’s all about approaching your differences with an open mind and a willingness to find a middle ground that respects both partners’ core beliefs.

And no, don’t do it like Carrie Bradshaw, who consistently sacrificed too much of herself for the sake of her relationships. (I’m looking at you, Mr. Big!)

When done right, compromise looks far less toxic and more balanced in real life.

For instance, if your partner is career-driven and you, on the other hand, are leaning toward a more adventurous lifestyle, you can start by accepting and respecting each other’s values. They make you who you are. Remember that.

Then, talk openly and, more importantly, be judgment-free. 

Plan adventures around work schedules or seek careers that allow for flexibility.

Regularly check in and reassess shared values

For better or for worse, nothing lasts forever. People change, and relationships evolve. What matters to you deeply now might not in a couple of years. And that’s okay.

It’s essential to revisit and reassess your shared values periodically. 

Talk about how well you’re upholding these values now and whether they still resonate with you. 

Keep an ongoing discussion to ensure you remain connected and respectful of each other’s values.

The Importance of Shared Values in Relationships

Shared values are a set of principles that guide your relationship toward a future you both enjoy.Zach Brittle, a member of the Gottman Institute and best-selling author of The Relationship Alphabet, says,

Creating shared meaning is one of the most rewarding facets of a marriage. It can be awesome, messy, agonizing, joyous, elusive, fun, risky, maddening, invigorating, mysterious, and all of these at once. If you start your relationship off by ensuring that it’s meaningful, you can save yourself a lot of pain and heartache down the road.^[10]

When you’re on the same page about your priorities, everything is much easier to handle.

All those life challenges and obstacles are a breeze when you have someone to hold your hand and help you make tough choices.

Some other long-term benefits of shared values: 

• Deeper connection: Shared values mean you get each other on a deeper level, which is a recipe for a long-lasting bond.
• Stronger communication: When your values align, communication flows, making it easier to overcome hardships in life.
• Security: Shared values also bring stability to your life.
• Aligned goals: You support each other’s dreams and aspirations.

 When you’re in sync like this, life’s challenges are just bumps in the road — you’ve got this!

Conclusion

Whether you’re on the hunt for the perfect partner or working on your current bond, find someone who shares your values.

As you imagine a future with this person, do you love and respect each other? Are you partners with shared goals? 

This is all possible if you have the same values and you’re both ready to make it work.

At the end of the day, it’s you and your partner against the world. And your shared values make sure you’re ready to face it all.

Want to learn more topics about being in a relationship? Check out our page here.

FAQs: Your Values Questions Answered

What is the value of love in a relationship?

The value of love in a relationship is in its ability to provide emotional fulfillment and build a fundamental connection that offers a sense of warmth, security, and belonging in a relationship. Just remember, love is not just something you feel, it’s something you do.

Can a couple have different values?

A couple can have different values, but it’s easier when most values line up. Although having similar values can be a strong indicator of a successful relationship, it doesn’t mean you and your significant other have to agree on everything. A healthy relationship is still possible even with different values.

What values and qualities are important to you in a relationship?

To understand what values and qualities are important to you in a relationship, first consider your individual priorities, such as trust, honesty, or respect. Once you know your values, you can build a relationship that brings fulfillment to both you and your partner.

References

1. Debnam, K. J., Howard, D. E., & Garza, M. A. (2014). “If you don’t have honesty in a relationship, then there is no relationship”: African American girls’ characterization of healthy dating relationships, a qualitative study. The Journal of Primary Prevention, 35(6), 397–407. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10935-014-0362-3

2. Arikewuyo, A. O., Eluwole, K. K., & Özad, B. (2021). Influence of lack of trust on romantic relationship problems: The mediating role of partner cellphone snooping. Psychological Reports, 124(1. https://doi.org/10.1177/0033294119899902

3. Hendrick, S. S., & Hendrick, C. (2006). Measuring respect in close Relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 23(6), 881–899. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407506070471

4. Hirsch, J. (2003). A courtship after marriage: Sexuality and love in Mexican transnational families. University of California Press.

5. Sternberg, R. J. (1986). A triangular theory of love. Psychological Review, 93(2), 119–135. https://pzacad.pitzer.edu/~dmoore/1986_sternberg_trianglelove_psyrev.pdf

6. Hill, M. T. (2002). Intimacy, passion, commitment, physical affection and relationship stage as related to romantic relationship satisfaction [Doctoral dissertation, Oklahoma State University]. Oklahoma State University Digital Archives. https://shareok.org/bitstream/handle/11244/7430/School%20of%20Teaching%20and%20Curriculum%20Leadership_142.pdf?sequence=1 

7. Smith, A., Lyons, A., Ferris, J., Richters, J., Pitts, M., Shelley, J., & Simpson, J. M. (2011). Sexual and relationship satisfaction among heterosexual men and women: The importance of desired frequency of sex. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 37(2), 104–115. https://doi.org/10.1080/0092623X.2011.560531

8. Parry, Travis G. (2016). The association between shared values and well-being among married couples [Doctoral dissertation, Utah State University]. Digital Commons at Utah State University. https://digitalcommons.usu.edu/etd/4927 

9. Westerop, K. R. (2002). Building healthy couple relationships: Do communication skills, gender, hope, and family types make a difference? [Master’s thesis, Trinity Western University]. Trinity Western University Digital Archives. https://www.twu.ca/sites/default/files/westeropkaren_0.pdf

10. Brittle, Z. (n.d.). Create shared meaning. The Gottman Institute. https://www.gottman.com/blog/shared-meaning-is-key-to-a-successful-relationship/